If you have a broken heart, I’d like to fix it. Repairs start at just $69. Special delivery charges may apply.
There’s a lot of June birthdays in June. There’s also a few in May and July. Reminds me of that one night with April. That was a long month.
Love takes many forms, but I’ll bet none of them are tax forms. I would work for the IRS, but I’m just not that romantic.
After work, to unwind, I stand in the yard and act like a windmill. Plus, I never know when love will blow my way.
If you bulk order enough sound, you get a discount by volume. The guys in the warehouse know me by the codename Helen Keller.
A road that’s narrower than the width of my car’s wheels could only be lover’s lane. Hitchhikers make the best lovers.
I went to Bath and Body Works this morning, because I really needed a shower. Hygiene is important to society, I have discovered.
If I could adorn myself with a question, I’d wear a where. It would never go out of style, because location is everything.
I’m wearing my End of the Dance Underwear. They’re soggy. It seems these days everything is saturated with my love for you.
We made love like flamingoes are pink. The lights were off, so I couldn’t actually see what color the flamingoes were, but they sounded pink.
It was a blustery winter night, back in the summer of 2009. That’s when we met, and that’s when I knew it was love, two years before.
Never sit on a freshly painted bench, or stand on a wet wall. That’s a lesson in love I had to learn the sideways way.
It pours itself. My love, I mean. I hope you like a lot of gravy on your mashed potatoes!
I suppose Orafoura was right about the vagina. It is such a wonderful spot to vacation. I’d recommend taking the whole family.
Our meeting will keep, but my meatloaf and bowl of masturbation in the fridge won’t. Everybody at the political campaign loves when I bring food.
It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.
If you were to ask me if I have ever loved a woman, I'd probably reply, "Two gallons of milk and a midget.
My bed’s comforter is yellow. It has to be to hide all the melted butter stains. I make love like microwave popcorn—only in half the time!
My heart is closed, but open. Closed to one woman in particular, but open to the public. Guided tours are offered Monday through Friday 9-5.
Pulling your head out of your ass is better than pulling your head out of a lawyer’s ass. (Limit one coupon per customer).
Pa extended his paw as if to say, “I’m here, and I’m human.” What else could I do but say, “Meow.
