Quotes of: Holy-book Keyword

The one benefit of Alzheimer’s is that you can keep giving them the same gift over and over, and it’s always such a surprise.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’d collaborate with my clones, because I’m a team player who wants all the credit.

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Growing up, I went through an awkward stage. It lasted from birth to last Tuesday.

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Hard work would really open doors for me. So would being disabled.

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I put my heart in a paper cup, so she’d be more likely to drink it up.

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My love is a good neighbor—there is a fence around my heart. I’m not cold-hearted, despite having a touch of Frost in there.

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People don’t know I have a checkered past. I used to be a picnic table cloth.

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If a handicapped woman says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask her if that includes parking.

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The difference between you and everyone else, is everyone else. And that’s a lot, so you should feel special.

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Bosses are like assholes—everybody’s got one. Well, everyone except the unemployed. But still, bosses are like assholes, in that they are assholes. 

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I feel with a mullet and a mustache my job prospects would improve.

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I don’t kind of like to be kind and like you—I love to be kind and love you.

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If somebody’s a jerk and says something nasty, be a bigger jerk and say something kind and walk away.

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A smile is like a simile, if you have a mouth like a metaphor. That would make for like the best kiss ever.

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I don’t know what I’ll do until I know what you’ll do. I’m proactive with my preemptive reactive strategy. 

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I want to invent a Laughometer, a device to measure and gauge humor, which would be used for comedians. And politicians.

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LIberty is slavery. Or, well, you already know. P.S. Can you find my logo in the image?

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If I say “No decision has been made,” it’s a lie—because I have decided to remain undecided.

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I like the name Lola, because it has LOL in the beginning.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I’ve decided I like making love on rainy days. Ever since she asked me to wear a raincoat.

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I am a fisherman, a hunter, and a lover. A lover of men, not animals. And by men I mean women.

This Book is Not FOR SALE