Shivering as she gripped the handle, she looked around the cabin one last time. The uneasiness was still there. Why wouldn’t it leave her be?
Her chin lifted. "Very well. Here is my best offer. Half of my nakedness for all of yours." He pretended to think on it. " It's a bargain.
Her hair was red, like a flame. And my penis was long, like a commercial break. Hey, hold the elevator!
In the reflected gaze of his (her husband's) steady admiration, she saw the face of the girl he had fallen in love with.
Once she told me her secret, it ceased to be a secret. Therefore, I was free to tell the world.
Her love stays with me wherever I go. That’s because I have it on a leash, like a dog, and I take it for walks like I do with my pet wheelchair.
I passed my past, because if I could get any of it back, I’d only want about a quarterback. That 25% would be the love I had for her, before I fumbled it away.
I said I made a special trip to get her favorite item, because it sounded more romantic than saying I randomly had it already. Now that’s love.
How do new watches catch up with old watches that have had more time to get a head start? This is what I pondered while I waited on her to fall in love with me.
The summer temperature outside was 45 degrees, so I turned 45 degrees and went right back inside. It was so cold outside because that’s where all her love for me was.
A scaly lizard in soapy water makes a great scrubber. I’d wash my hands of her, if I didn’t enjoy being treated like a dishrag so much.
The moment I saw her I fell in love. It was pitch black and I was wearing a blindfold at the time. Don’t just stand there like Helen Keller. Turn up the silence and say something.
A mere redrawing of borders, a change in governments, those things can never faze a Jewess with a good supply of hand wipes in her bag.
Empty packets of hot sauce remind me of the love I used to have for her. Now all I’m left with is this yummy taco.
I was standing right behind Marilyn, completely invisible, when she sang 'Happy birthday, Mr. President.' And indeed, the corny thing happened: Her dress split for my benefit, and there was Marilyn, and yes, indeed, she didn't wear any underwear.
I suddenly realized how much I loved her when we attended Alfred Hitchcock's 75th birthday party last August. There was something magical about that night, and it made me see how much she really meant to me.
My ace in the hole as a human being used to be my capacity for remembering birthdays. I worked at it. Whenever I made a new friend, I made a point of finding out his or her birthday early on, and I would record it in my Filofax calendar.
Among the best traitors Ireland has ever had, Mother Church ranks at the very top, a massive obstacle in the path to equality and freedom. She has been a force for conservatism... to ward off threats to her own security and influence.
My dog was with me all the time. I talked to my dog. She was my best buddy. I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think I every really tried jokes out with the dog.
When you look at guys who get recruited, most of the best athletes, they come from poor families. I don't forget. I was a junior looking through my mother's stuff and looked at her bank statement, and we had $30 in the bank.
I've known my best friend since I was a baby, and I don't know what I would do without her. She is always straight with me and can make me laugh hysterically. Everyone should have someone like that in their life.
