New Rule: Apple's next device must be a computer that you control with your tongue. Thanks for eliminating the keyboard and the mouse, but pointing and pushing at things already seems too complicated and tiring. We're Americans--and until you free ou...
New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of the American Family Association urged his flock to hand out a Christian-based comic book instead of candy. Excuse me, ...
New Rule: Gun-control people have to stop pressuring Starbucks to ban guns. I want my gun nuts overcaffeinated, twitchy, and accident-prone. That way, the problem will take care of itself. Plus, if just one gun nut kills just one pseudo-intellectual ...
But it was not only a feeling of guilt which drove him into danger. He detested the pettiness that made life semilife and men semimen. He wished to put his life on one of a pair of scales and death on the other. He wished each of his acts, indeed eac...
Remember at the junior picnic, when someone whipped that dog at Jennifer's head? And Jennifer was laughing, like it was funny? Ted never copped to it, but I know he did it. I saw him. A-hole.' Rachel shakes her head in disgust. 'She probably deals wi...
A man walks fast along the forecourt of the station towards a gate, moving towards a train that's about to leave. I get shivery all over as I watch the back of his head, which is about Yuan's height, with hair and a neckline just like his. My eyes te...
If I hold my head to the left and look down at the handle grips and front wheel and map carrier and gas tank I get one pattern of sense data. If I move my head to the right I get another slightly different pattern of sense data. The two views are dif...
Your love renders you impatient and disturbed. With such sincerity you have placed your head at her feet that you are oblivious to the world. When in the eyes of your beloved riches don't count, gold and dust are as one to you. You say that she dwell...
The life of the hero of the tale is, at the outset, overshadowed by bitter and hopeless struggles; one doubts that the little swineherd will ever be able to vanquish the awful Dragon with the twelve heads. And yet, ...truth and courage prevail and th...
But the death of spirit goes by another name. It is usually called the birth of reason. The dreams of reason are, at this late date, everywhere to be seen, much like headstones in a cemetery. The inertia of a standard which prunes every tree to the d...
Benjy Benjamin: [while Benji tries to fly the plane, Ding tries putting head phones on Benji's head] Hey, get outta here. Ding Bell: Put them on. Benjy Benjamin: I don't wanna. Ding Bell: Benji, I tell you, he said the man who's flying should be talk...
Nicky Santoro: Listen to me Anthony. I got your head in a fuckin' vise. I'll squash your head like a fuckin' grapefruit if you don't give me a name. Don't make me have to do this, please. Don't make me be a bad guy, come on. Tony Dogs: Fuck you. Nick...
The Gunsmith: Over what range will you fire? The Jackal: I'm not sure yet but probably not more than 400 feet The Gunsmith: Will the gentleman be moving? The Jackal: Stationary. The Gunsmith: Will you go for a head shot or a chest shot? The Jackal: P...
Dr. Gonzo: As your attorney, I advise you to drive at top speed, it'll be a god damn miracle if we can get there before you turn into a wild animal. Raoul Duke: [waving a flyswatter behind Gonzo's head] Pig fucker, pig fucker, pig fucker, pig fucker,...
Elsa: [to Indy] I'll never forget how vonderful it vas. Professor Henry Jones: Why thank you. It was rather wonderful. Elsa: [kisses Indy] Zat's how Austrians say goodbye. Colonel Vogel: Und zis is how ve zay goodbye in Germany, Dr. Jones. [punches I...
Karl: [on the phone] Yes, ma'am. I've killed Doyle Hargraves with a lawnmower blade. Yes, ma'am, I'm right sure of it. I hit him two good whacks in the head with it. That second one just plum near cut his head in two... It's a lil' ol' white house on...
Kay Eiffel: Excuse me, where are the dying people? Most of these people are sick or injured - Which is great, don't get me wrong. But they're gonna get better, which doesn't really help me. Is there any way to see the people who aren't going to get b...
Mr. Potato Head: Oh, let's just go straight to Exhibit F - the kidnapper's vehicle was seen fleeing in this direction. [pushes the car left] Hamm: Oh, your parts are in backwards, it's this way! [pushes the toy car right] Mr. Potato Head: Hey, put a ...
Sheriff: [Talking to Tucker and Dale, after he's pulled them over] Where are you two headed? Tucker: We're headed to our vacation home up by Morris Lake. I sank every penny I had into it... me and Dale here, we're gonna' go fix her up, then do a litt...
Hunk: Now look here, Dorothy, you ain't using your head about Miss Gulch. You'd think you didn't have any brains at all. Dorothy: I have so got brains. Hunk: Well, why don't you use them? When you come home, don't go by Miss Gulch's place. Then Toto ...
Droopy Dog: [as a bellhop] Going up, sir? [eddie walks and falls on the elevator] Droopy Dog: [looking down from boxes] Mind the step, sir. Hold on, sir. [Droopy pulls a lever and Eddie is pulled to the floor with his head up as the elevator goes up ...
