If I had been born in the 1700′s, presumably children had a bigger vocabulary than I had which means I wouldn’t have been able to recite fairy tales to kids because I’m not smart enough. You know…? I’d have to be like…..uh: In time passed...
Once upon a time in the dead of winter in the Dakota Territory, Theodore Roosevelt took off in a makeshift boat down the Little Missouri River in pursuit of a couple of thieves who had stolen his prized rowboat. After several days on the river, he ca...
My father gave me a ruined boy to compensate for the fact that he does not love me. The boy is fragile, broken—broke himself—broke everything. I asked him why he did it. He said because the world was unlivable. He said it was unlovable, but I thi...
Why do many believers insist on repeatedly pointing to the crimes of 20th century dictators who led officially atheistic societies as some sort of evidence of their god's existence? It makes no sense. If the rivers of blood on Stalin's hands and Mao'...
There's a very mean girl down the hall who's trying to get me fired. I'm no good with confrontation, so whenever I say, "Have a wonderful day," to her out loud, I'm really saying, "Be nice to me or I will stab you in the face with a fork," in my head...
Stahl trailed him upstairs, across a mezzanine, and out into the darkness of the sloping balcony. Tom gave the aisle his torch so his guest could see. On the screen below a woman's head was wavering, two or three times larger than life. A metallic vo...
It’s destiny; the stars have aligned perfectly to bring us together as friends. You cannot argue with what’s meant to be, once the stars have spoken, it is absolute,” he uttered, all smug and knowing. Shocked that he used the word destiny, I co...
The two women did more than resolve a major problem, they went on to form a political alliance and launch a coup. Cixi was twenty-five years old and Empress Zhen a year younger. Facing them were eight powerful men in control of the state machine. The...
We have a bad habit of seeing books as sort of cheaply made movies where the words do nothing but create visual narratives in our heads. So too often what passes for literary criticism is "I couldn't picture that guy", or "I liked that part", or "thi...
Dennis Nedry: [Nedry walks into a tree branch] Oh, Jesus Christ! [hears something] Dennis Nedry: Hello? [a dinosaur pokes its head out from behind the tree] Dennis Nedry: Yeah, yeah that's nice. Gotta' go! [the dinosaur is right behind Nedry now] Den...
Randal Graves: [about the Go-Karts] It just centers me, alright? Kinda the way jerking off at work centers you. Dante Hicks: I only did it that one time. And it wasn't to center me. Randal Graves: Yeah, it was to cum. Well I dunno about you, but cumm...
Felix Leiter: I should have introduced myself, seeing as we're related. Felix Leiter, a brother from Langley. [sees that Bond has a knife] Felix Leiter: You should have faith. As long as you keep your head about you, I think you have him. James Bond:...
Maggie Pistone: God, why do you hate me when I love you so much? Donnie Brasco: You think I hate you? I don't hate you. This job is eating me alive. I can't breathe anymore. And if I come out, this guy Lefty dies. They're gonna kill him because he vo...
Prof. Dr. Ernst-Günter Schenck: [as the SS and Wehrmacht offices are leaving Berlin] I won't allow my staff to be evacuated! SS-Obergruppenführer Tellermann: Is that so? Prof. Dr. Ernst-Günter Schenck: The food supply to Berlin will collapse! SS-O...
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: [talking on phone] Bunny? We're making another movie! Yes. I got the Baptist Church of Beverly Hills to put up the cash! Paul Marco: [knocking on door] Ed, I got the Lugosi doubles outside! Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Bunny, I gotta go....
Carl Showalter: [irately, over the phone] Alright, Jerry, I'm through fuckin' around! You got the fuckin' money? Jerry Lundegaard: [into the phone] Yeah, I got the money, but... uh... Carl Showalter: Don't you fuckin' fuck me, Jerry! I want you to ge...
Inspector Frank Butterman: I used to believe in the immutable word of the Law. That is until the night Mrs. Butterman was taken from me. You see no-one loved Sandford more than her - she was head of the Women's Institute, chair of the floral committe...
Bobby Jordan: Give me that. Bobby's Buddy: [passing Bobby a liquor bottle, then spotting Jack and Judy smoking a joint together] Hey, isn't that, that Stall faggot? Bobby Jordan: Yeah. Bobby's Buddy: You should go kick his ass. Bobby Jordan: I'm goin...
Earl Stutz: I'm telling the truth, dang it! It came from outer space. I saw it! And it was headed toward land. I called the government in Washington. Maybe it was a sputnik, or... or an invader from Mars. That's what it is, an invader from Mars! It w...
Edna: It will be bold! Dramatic! Bob: Yeah! Edna: Heroic! Bob: Yeah. Something classic, like, like Dynaguy. Oh, he had a great look! Oh, the cape and the boots... Edna: [throws a wadded ball of paper at Bob's head] No capes! Bob: Isn't that my decisi...
Tai Lung: [growls] I rotted in jail for 20 years because of YOUR weakness! Shifu: Obeying your master is not weakness! Tai Lung: You knew I was the Dragon Warrior! You always knew! But when Oogway said otherwise, what did you do? What did you do? NOT...
