Tank: We're supposed to start with these operation programs first. That's major boring shit. Let's do something a little more fun. How about... combat training. Neo: Ju jitsu? I'm gonna learn Ju jitsu. [Tank winks and loads the program] Neo: Holy shi...
Dutton Peabody: [during voting for the territorial convention] I'll have the usual, Jack. Jack, Barman: The bar is closed, Mister Editor, during voting. Dutton Peabody: Bar's closed? Tom Doniphon: You can blame your lawyer friend. He says that's one ...
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Counselor, your clients are charged with first degree murder. How do they plead? Vinny Gambini: [sitting down] Your Honor, my clients... Judge Chamberlain Haller: Don't talk to me sitting in that chair! Vinny Gambini: But he...
Mr. Allen, Master: [after seeing that the Acheron is closing in on them] My God, what can we do? He has us by the hip. Capt. Jack Aubrey: Run like smoke and oakum. Mr. Allen, Master: We'll have to bend every sail. Capt. Jack Aubrey: We'll put up our ...
Johnny: [in a creepy voice] They're coming to get you, Barbara! Barbara: Stop it! You're ignorant! Johnny: They're coming for you, Barbara! Barbara: Stop it! You're acting like a child! Johnny: They're coming for you! [points to the cemetery zombie] ...
[Frank has beaten a horde of America's most-feared world leaders in a conference room and heads for a door] Muammar al-Qaddafi: Hey, who are you? Frank: I'm Lt. Frank Drebin! Police Squad! And don't ever let me catch you guys in America! [the door hi...
Taber: [Taber is picking on Harding as he plays Monopoly with Martini] [pushing his back] Taber: Come on, Harding. Play the game. Play it! Harding: I am playing the game! Stop bothering me! I can't concentrate! Taber: [pushing him again] Play the gam...
Homer: [to John] Dad, I may not be the best, but I come to believe that I got it in me to be somebody in this world. And it's not because I'm so different from you either, it's because I'm the same. I mean, I can be just as hard-headed, and just as t...
Vizzini: We'll head straight for the Gilder frontier. You catch up with us there. If he falls, fine. If not, the sword. Inigo Montoya: I'm going to duel him left-handed. Vizzini: You know what a hurry we're in! Inigo Montoya: Well, is only way I can ...
Griffin Mill: So, what's the story? Walter Stuckel: Twenty-five words or less? Okay. Movie exec calls writer. Writer's girlfriend says he's at the movies. Exec goes to the movies, meets writer, drinks with writer. Writer gets conked and dies in four ...
Laura Richis: Papa, what's the matter? Antoine Richis: We're going home. Now. Laura Richis: But why? I'm enjoying myself. Antoine Richis: Don't argue with me, Laura! [he starts to drag Laura away] Laura Richis: Stop it! I'm grown up! [Antoine slaps h...
The Blue Fairy: You must learn to choose between right and wrong. Pinocchio: Right and wrong? But how will I know? Jiminy Cricket: [watching] How'll he know! The Blue Fairy: [to Pinocchio] Your conscience will tell you. Pinocchio: What's a conscience...
Foulfellow: [after drunkenly singing "Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee"] And the dummy fell for it. [laughs] Foulfellow: Hook, line and sinker! [laughs again] Gideon: [Dips a smoke-ring in his beer and takes a bite] Hiccup! Foulfellow: And he still thinks we're his...
The Coachman: And what might your name be? Alexander: Alexander. The Coachman: So you can talk? Alexander: Yes, sir. I wanna go home to my mama! The Coachman: Take him back! He can still talk! Alexander: [pleading with the other rejected donkeys] Ple...
Mr. Bennet: How can that possibly affect them? Mrs. Bennet: Oh Mr. Bennet, how can you be so tiresome? You know he must marry one of them! Mr. Bennet: Ah, so that is his desire in settling here. Mrs. Bennet: You must go and visit him at once! Mr. Ben...
[Belloq and the Nazis are walking and arguing] Belloq: I told you not to be premature in your communique to Berlin. Archeology is not an exact science. It does not deal in time schedules! Dietrich: The Fuhrer is not a patient man. He demands constant...
Dodge Landon: Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape! Caesar: NO! Rodney: [looks at Caesar while he pulls the tranq-gun back and softly] Oh, my God. Buck: [looks at Caesar and softly] Oh-oh-oh. Caesar: [grunts and looks at the other apes w...
[last title card] Title card: So, for the second time, the Pharisees summoned the man who had been blind and said: / "Speak the truth before God. / We know this fellow is a sinner." / "Whether or not he is a sinner, I do not know," / The man replied....
[at the police station] Slimey Lawyer: Attempted murder? Well, it's not like he killed someone. This is a clear violation of my client's civil rights. Bail Bondsman: Make it aggravated assault and I can make bail, in cash, now! Sgt. Reed: [angrily] L...
Nice Guy Eddie: The chick got tired of him beatin' her so one night she walks in the guys bedroom and super glues his dick to his belly. Ambulance came and had to cut the prick loose. Mr. White: Was he all pissed off? Nice Guy Eddie: How would you fe...
Joe Bradley: Tell you what. Why don't we do all those things, together? Princess Ann: But don't you have to work? Joe Bradley: Work? No. Today's gonna be a holiday. Princess Ann: But you want to do a lot of silly things? Joe Bradley: [He takes her ha...
