Hank Palmer: Did you know 90% of the country believes in ghosts? less than a third in evolution? 35% can correctly identify Homer Simpson's fictional town in which he resides, less than 1% knows the name Thurgood Marshall. But... when you put 12 Amer...
Jim Garrison: Under the guise of a patriotic club-owner out to spare Jackie Kennedy from having to testify at trial, Jack Ruby is shown his way into an underground parking garage by one of his inside men on the Dallas Police Force, and when he is rea...
Juno MacGuff: My dad had this weird obsession with Roman or Greek mythology or something and he decided to name me after Zeus' wife. Mark Loring: Zeus' wife? Juno MacGuff: Yeah and I mean Zeus had tons of lays but I'm pretty sure Juno was his only wi...
Mac MacGuff: Whats that thing? Vanessa Loring: It's a Pilates machine. Mac MacGuff: What do you make with it? Vanessa Loring: Oh you don't make anything with it, its for exercise. Mac MacGuff: Oh. My wife ordered one of those Tony Little Gazelles off...
Dr. Ian Malcolm: [to the security camera in the tour car, after yet again a dinosaur has failed to appear] Ah, now eventually you do plan to have dinosaurs on your, on your dinosaur tour, right? Hello? [he taps the camera lens and breathes on it] Dr....
Dr. Alan Grant: [Dr. Grant enters his mobile trailer home and sees John Hammond in his fridge] What the hell do you think you're doing in here? [John pops open a bottle of champagne. The cork comes flying at Grant and he ducks] Dr. Alan Grant: Hey, w...
Ray Arnold: [taking over Dennis Nedry's terminal which is covered in junk food wrappers] Look at this work station! [pushes the trash on the floor] Ray Arnold: What a complete slob! Muldoon: The raptor fences aren't out, are they? Ray Arnold: No, no....
Hannibal Lecter: Advancement, of course. Listen carefully. Look deep within yourself, Clarice Starling. Go seek out Miss Mofet, an old patient of mine. M-o-f-e-t. Go now, I don't think Miggs could manage again quite so soon, even though he is crazy. ...
[Hub and Garth are getting ready to shoot at a traveling salesman] Walter: Why not see what he's sellin'? Hub: What the hell for? Walter: Well what's the good of having all that money if you're never gonna spend it? Garth: Could be the kid has a poin...
Young John Reilly: Hey, uh, Father. How long did it take him? You know, paintin' the ceiling and all? Father Bobby: Took him about nine years. Young John Reilly: Nine years? Father Bobby: That's right. Young John Reilly: [laugh] For a ceiling? I had ...
The Writer: Vern didn't just mean being off limits inside the junkyard, or fudging on our folks, or going on a hike up the railroad to Harlow. He meant those things, but it seems to me now it was more and that we all knew it. Everything was there and...
Liesel Meminger: Did he take away your mother? Max Vandenburg: Probably. Liesel Meminger: Don't worry... I cried a lot when I first came too. [pause] Liesel Meminger: The soup is terrible, isn't it? Max Vandenburg: You may find this hard to believe, ...
Dist. Atty. Harvey Dent: We've received a letter from Batman this morning. 'Please inform the citizens of Gotham that Gotham City has earned a rest from crime. But if the forces of evil should rise again, to cast a shadow on the heart of the city, ca...
Dumb Football Player: Coach. Coach, where's the men's room? Juno: I'm not your coach! *He* survived. Dumb Football Player #2: Wait, coach, let me get something straight. What's our curfew around here? Juno: Will you get out of here! Go on, get downst...
[reading The Handbook for the Living and the Dead] Charles: This thing reads like stereo instructions. [Harry Belafonte's "Shake Shake Senora" plays in the background] Charles: Oh, sounds like Lydia got an "A" on the math test. [a head sculpt of the ...
Delia: [as Bernard, Grace, and Beryl leaves not convinced of the ghost] This was not a hallucination. This was real. We all just experienced a super-powerful, paranormal experience, and it was real. Bernard: Delia, you are a flake. You have always be...
[first lines] Bess McNeill: His name is Jan. The Minister: I do not know him. Bess McNeill: [coyly] He's from the lake. The Minister: You know we do not favor matrimony with outsiders. An Elder: Can you even tell us what matrimony is? Bess McNeill: I...
He Zhiwu, Cop 223: We split up on April Fool's Day. So I decided to let the joke run for a month. Every day I buy a can of pineapple with a sell-by date of May 1. May loves pineapple, and May 1 is my birthday. If May hasn't changed her mind by the ti...
Teen #1: You guys holding? Jay: Shit, everything but coke, heroin and your cock. Teen #2: What? Teen #1: How 'bout a nickel bag, man? Jay: [singing] Oh, fifteen bucks, little man, put that shit in my hand. Nong, nong, ning-a ning-a nong nong! Teen #1...
Randal Graves: [describing the Lord of the Rings Trilogy] Here's the first movie. [walks a few steps, staring blankly] Randal Graves: And here's the second movie. [walks a few steps again, pretends to trip] Hobbit Lover: He is way off, loser. Randal ...
Luke's Nephew: [on visiting day] Uncle Luke? Why can't *you* have chains? Luke: John-boy, lemme tell you something. You know, them chains ain't medals. You get 'em for making mistakes. And you make a *bad* enough mistake, and then you gotta deal with...
