Giosué Orefice: "No Jews or Dogs Allowed." Why do all the shops say, "No Jews Allowed"? Guido: Oh, that. "Not Allowed" signs are the latest trend! The other day, I was in a shop with my friend the kangaroo, but their sign said, "No Kangaroos Allowed...
Teacher: Nouns beginning with "B"? Yes, Sophie? Sophie à 8 ans: "B" for... "Big-dick", "bonk"... "B" for "Beat the beaver", "bordello", "balls", "blow-job", "bug-eyed baboon", "bitchbag"... "Beat it, bitchbag!" Teacher: Think you're funny, miss? Wha...
Nala: Have you guys seen Simba? Timon: I thought he was with you. Nala: He was but now I can't find him. Where is he? Rafiki: [chuckles] You won't find him here. The King has returned. Nala: I don't believe it. He's gone back. Timon: What? [looks up ...
Hawkeye: My father's people say that at the birth of the sun and of his brother the moon, their mother died. So the sun gave to the earth her body, from which was to spring all life. And he drew forth from her breast the stars, and the stars he threw...
Jack Crabb: I know of a white man who is as brave as any Human Being. His name is General Custer. Old Lodge Skins: I would like to meet this man and smoke with him. What does his name mean? Jack Crabb: It means 'Long Hair'. Old Lodge Skins: Good name...
Madame Thénardier: [to male customer] I used to dream that I would meet a prince, but God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since? Thénardier: [defensive as others stare at him] What? What? Madame Thénardier: Master of the house isn't worth ...
Adult Pi Patel: [voice over] And then Richard Parker, my fierce companion, the terrible one who kept me alive, disappeared forever from my life. [Pi lies on the sand when a group of locals run down the beach towards him] Adult Pi Patel: [voice over] ...
Pi Patel: [voice over] I never thought a small piece of shade could bring me so much happiness. That a pile of tools, a bucket, a knife, a pencil, might become my greatest treasures. Or that knowing Richard Parker was here might ever bring me peace. ...
[first lines] Joe: Time travel has not yet been invented. But thirty years from now, it will have been. It will be instantly outlawed, used only in secret by only the largest criminal organizations. It's nearly impossible to dispose of a body in the ...
[Gandalf snatches Sam, who was sneaking around] Gandalf: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee. Have you been eavesdropping? Sam: I ain't been droppin' no eaves sir, honest. I was just cutting the grass under the window there, if you'll follow me. Gandalf:...
Elrond: If Aragorn survives this war, you will still be parted. If Sauron is defeated and Aragorn made king and all that you hope for comes true you will still have to taste the bitterness of mortality. Whether by the sword or the slow decay of time,...
[after Kyun-woo reads one of The Girl's screenplays] Kyun-woo: They have to kiss in the end. The Girl: This isn't a melodrama. It's an action movie. Kyun-woo: You don't know movies. Koreans like melodramas. The Girl: Why? Kyun-woo: Know what novel to...
Randall: Okay, I think I know how to make this all go away. What happens when the whistle blows in five minutes? Mike: I get a time out? Randall: Everyone goes to lunch! Which means the scare floor will be... Mike: ...Painted? Randall: EMPTY! I'll be...
[last lines] President Barack Obama: I tell you what, security has any other messages, you call *me*. Rizwan Khan: Good, good. Can I have your number, please? Mandira Khan: Ah, thank you Mr. President. President Barack Obama: Thank you. Mandira Khan:...
First Ancestor: Great Stone Dragon, have you awakened? Mushu: [holding up the Great Stone Dragon's head, which is all that is left of him] Uh, uh, uh, uh... Yes, I just woke up. I'm... I'm the Great Stone Dragon. Good morning! I will go forth and fet...
Leonard Shelby: I don't even know how long she's been gone. It's like I've woken up in bed and she's not here... because she's gone to the bathroom or something. But somehow, I know she's never gonna come back to bed. If I could just... reach over an...
Jean: Nemo, do I matter to you? I'd just like to ask you one question. Did you do it on purpose? I found this on the bedside table. [reads note] Jean: There comes a time in life where everything seems narrow. Choices have been made. I can only contin...
Chris: You heard of anything? Vin: Just shooing some flies away from a Mexican village, but I can't find out what it pays. Chris: Twenty dollars. Vin: A week? Vin: Six weeks. Vin: Oh, that's ridiculous. Have you heard of anything? Chris: Yeah. Shooin...
Virginia McCain: [teasing Buster about a fake affair as she looks through the new Misery books] Well, whoever she is, she sure likes to read a lot. Sheriff John T. 'Buster' McCain: Virginia, I'm flattered that you think I have that kind of energy. I ...
[Caine Lawson reflecting after being shot] Caine: After stomping on Ilena's cousin like that, I knew I was gonna have to deal with that fool someday. Damn! I never thought he'd come back like this, blasting. Like I said, it was funny like that in the...
Mendoza: I want to renounce my vows of obedience. Gabriel: Get out. Mendoza: I want to explain... Gabriel: Get out, Rodrigo. I won't listen to you. [pause] Gabriel: Just you? Mendoza: No, it's Ralph and John too. Gabriel: What do you want captain, an...
