Dougy: We keep robbin' banks but we never get to keep the money. Emil: Takes money to make money. We steal money to buy coke then sell the coke to make even more money. Capital investment, man. Dougy: Yeah, but why bother making it when we can just s...
FBI Director Womack: Just clippers, no scissors. Paul the Hotel Barber: No scissors, you've got to be kidding me, no scissors. I mean, did they tell Picasso "no brush"? FBI Director Womack: With scissors, this man could kill you. John Mason: I can't ...
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Please! Please... Don't burn me, man. Mr. Blonde: You all through? You all through? LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Look, I... I got a little kid at home. Now, PLEASE. Mr. Blonde: [holding up a lighter] No, no, no, no, no, no. You...
Little John: [as Sir Reginald] Ah, milord, the esteemed royal sovereign of the realm. The head man himself. You're beautiful. Prince John: Such savoir faire eclat elan, Hiss. Little John: You took the words right out of my mouth, P.J. Prince John: [A...
[In a telephone booth with the door closed] Raymond: Uh oh fart. Uh oh fart. Charlie: Did you fart, Ray? Did you fucking fart? Raymond: Fart. Charlie: [Trying unsuccessfully to open the door] How can you stand that? Raymond: I don't mind it. Charlie:...
[Raymond doesn't want to go outside when it rains] Charlie: Hey, Ray, you take a shower right? Raymond: Yeah. Charlie: Well the rain is a lot like the shower, you get a little wet. What do you say, Ray? What do you say? Raymond: Of course the shower ...
Charlie: Now casinos have house rules: they don't like to lose. So you never show that you're counting cards. That is *the* cardinal sin, Ray. Raymond: Counting cards is bad. Charlie: Yes. Raymond: I like to drive slow on the driveway. Charlie: If yo...
[Ray has stopped in the middle of the street because the sign said DON'T WALK. An angry driver is yelling at him] Motorist: Hey you! Hey dipshit! Move it! You ain't gonna move, I'll move you! Raymond: Have to get to K-Mart. 400 Oak Street. The sign s...
Charlie: This is a good one. We don't go out when it rains, this is a real good one. I hope you appreciate this because my business is going down the fucking toilet. I should be in L.A., instead I'm in the Honeymoon Haven motel in Bumblefuck, Missour...
[Raymond blows their ruse to get into a farmhouse to watch The People's Court] Charlie: That's it. You blew it. You don't get to see your program. Finished. Raymond: One minute to Wapner. Charlie: Yes, one minute to Wapner. I had you in there, Ray! Y...
Alan Shepard: [during enema continence test] Tell me something, Mr. Gonzalez. You ever have any explosions doing this? Gonzalez: All the time. It's a mess. Alan Shepard: Tell me something else, Mr. Gonzalez. How am I doing? Gonzalez: I think you're g...
Colette: Horst has done time. Linguini: What for? Colette: No one know for sure. He changes the story every time you ask him. Horst: I defrauded a major corporation. Horst: I robbed the second-largest bank in France using only a ball-point pen. Horst...
Vaughan Cunningham: [about potted meat] They aren't moving too well, but I'll tell you what, I'll give a couple cans free to the right kid. Frank: I don't like potted meat. Daddy used to say they was made out of lips, peckers and intestines. Linda: F...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Worf... I regret some of the things I said to you earlier. Lt. Commander Worf: "Some"? Captain Jean-Luc Picard: As a matter of fact, I think you're the bravest man I have ever known. Lt. Commander Worf: Thank you, sir.
[Shaun and Ed back up to the body of a man they've just hit and Shaun rolls down his window] Shaun: Are you all right? Ed: Come on, let's just go. Shaun: Hello? Ed: He's going to be dead either way. Shaun: Ed, that's not the point! [the body rises an...
[Uhura approaches the Klingon patrol, alone and unarmed] Nyota Uhura: [in Klingon] I am here to help you. With respect, there is a criminal hiding in these ruins. He has killed many of our people. Klingon: [in Klingon] Why should I care about a human...
Jack: Man! That's tasty! Miles Raymond: That's 100% pinot noir. Single vineyard. They don't even make it any more. Jack: Pinot noir? Miles Raymond: Mmm-hmm. Jack: Then how come it's white? Miles Raymond: [laughs] Oh, Jesus. Don't ask questions like t...
Shrek: Listen, little donkey, take a look at me! What am I? Donkey: Ah... really tall? Shrek: No! I'm an OGRE! You know, "grab your torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that bother you? Donkey: Nope. Shrek: Really? Donkey: Really, really. Shrek: [taken aba...
Marian Starrett: Guns aren't going to be my boy's life! Joey: Why do you always have to spoil everything? Shane: A gun is a tool, Marian; no better or no worse than any other tool: an axe, a shovel or anything. A gun is as good or as bad as the man u...
Jim: Do you ever just live in the moment? It's like now, what could be better than being tucked here with you?... I mean, if I died right now it would be OK. George: Well it wouldn't be OK with me, so why don't you just shut up and go and change the ...
Officer Michaels: [Vomiting after chasing Eva] It's just beer! It's just beer! Officer Slater: C'mon man up. What happened? Officer Michaels: [Without breath] He's a freakin' kid! He's the fastest kid alive! Officer Slater: This is not good! Officer ...
