I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly told me that he was in a club doing standup comedy. I went down to his club and he was great. Another friend of mine, who was pretty much a thief by trad...
Women tell me they won't date a guy with bad shoes. There are good-looking guys with good-looking outfits, and then really bad-looking square toe I-don't-even-want-to-mention-the-label kind of shoes. There is no reason for that. Again, invest in some...
Tisch has a great film program and a great acting program, but they are segregated; you don't really intertwine. My peers knew I liked acting, so they'd be like, 'Go get that guy Gubler. He'll be in your student film.' I was in the same building. I b...
As a director, you can't stop a guy if he thinks something's hysterical, because if you do, then he'll get depressed because he thinks he didn't come up with a good joke. So if a guy's going on some run and it's killing him, and he thinks it's hilari...
I had given thought to acting, but I never really had a good enough opportunity or a character who made sense and paralleled my life a little bit. I feel like I'm one of the poster boys for a bad guy in a movie. I feel like I'm a good person to play ...
I do feel like guys feel pressure to be funny with me, which is kind of annoying. It's a turn-off if someone's trying hard to be funny because it feels like they're auditioning for a comedy job or something. It doesn't feel romantic to me. I get so m...
When I worked at Microsoft, I got to go and visit a bunch of different companies. Probably a hundred different companies a year. You'd see all the different ways they'd work. The guys who did Ventura Publisher one day, and then United Airlines the ne...
Back in the late '90s, I put together a humorous newsmagazine program called 'The Awful Truth' for Bravo. We helped one guy get an organ transplant whose insurance company had refused to pay. I thought, if we could save a guy's life in a 10-minute se...
The SAME GUY who took the Baptist's life is drawn by the rumblings of the Spirit's power throughout the countryside, manifested in numbers by guys a lot less confident and competent than the Baptist. Father, remove those obstacles that keep us from o...
When I was a child I liked watching shows about bounty hunters and Canadian Mounties. I liked the 'Lone Ranger,' I liked shows where the guy saved the girl from the villain. I just liked those kinds of things and I wanted to be a guy like that, you k...
In L.A., if you're in improv, and you're on those stages, all the big agents and managers and producers are watching those shows. They're not flying to Chicago to see the show. People are booking jobs off the stages in L.A. who aren't more talented t...
Lefty: There's the boss. And, under him, there's the skipper. You know how this works? Donnie Brasco: Yeah, it's like in the army. Lefty: Bullshit. The army is some guy you don't know telling you to go whack some other guy you don't know.
Rocket Raccoon: There's one more thing we need to complete the plan: that guy's eye! [points at a Ravager with a cybernetic eye] Peter Quill: No, no, no, we don't need that guy's eye! Rocket Raccoon: No, seriously, I need it! [snickers, and tries to ...
Brody: It doesn't make any sense when you pay a guy like you to watch sharks. Hooper: Well, uh, it doesn't make much sense for a guy who hates the water to live on an island either. Brody: It's only an island if you look at it from the water. Hooper:...
Teddy: Hey! Hey, that's not your car! Leonard Shelby: [takes a picture of the Jaguar] It is now. Teddy: Jesus Chri- you can't take it! Leonard Shelby: Why not? Teddy: Because the guy you killed owns it; somebody will recognize it! Leonard Shelby: Wel...
Bernardo Gui: Why did you kill them? Remigio da Varagine: Why? I don't know... why. Bernardo Gui: Because you were inspired by the Devil? Remigio da Varagine: Yes. That's it. I was inspired by the Devil! I am... inspired by the DEVVVVILLL! Lucifer! I...
Jules: We should have shotguns for this kind of deal. Vincent: How many up there? Jules: Three or four. Vincent: That's countin' our guy? Jules: Not sure. Vincent: So that means there could be up to five guys up there? Jules: It's possible. Vincent: ...
Betty Carver: Hey. I could have had any guy, any guy, but I chose you. I chose you. Gilbert: Why did you? Betty Carver: [pause] Because... I knew you'd always be there. Because I knew you'd never leave.
I don't want my guy to buy me cars, villas or diamonds. I can do all that. I don't want any PDA, either. But my guy should be very sensitive to my pains and sorrows and should try to make me happy because I'd do all that for him. Sadly, most of the m...
I'm definitely an elbow-room guy.
I'm not a leading guy.
