"Coast Guard Sees Increasing Need for Icebreakers"—headline, Associated Press, March 1
James Taranto[first lines] Guard: [subtitled version] Stand still. Eyes to the floor. [pause] Guard: Walk on.
The Lives of OthersIraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
David LettermanShe couldn't do any worse, but then, he couldn't do better. So maybe it balanced out.
Guards! Guards!Prison Guard: D-Block, Morris! Frank Morris: But he came at me! Prison Guard: I said, D-Block!
Escape from AlcatrazPrison Guard: Your painting privileges have been removed. Doc: Why? Prison Guard: I don't know.
Escape from AlcatrazRoger. Be Safe. We'll be there when we can, over.
Deadliest Sea: The Untold Story Behind the Greatest Rescue in Coast Guard HistoryAll dwarfs have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional.
Guards! Guards!