Noel Coward: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean. [singing] Noel Coward: Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? / Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? / It's swell to have a stiffy. /...
Jean: Nemo, do I matter to you? I'd just like to ask you one question. Did you do it on purpose? I found this on the bedside table. [reads note] Jean: There comes a time in life where everything seems narrow. Choices have been made. I can only contin...
Billy Beane: We want you to play 1st base for the Oakland A's. Scott Hatteberg: OK, well, I've only ever played catcher. Billy Beane: Scott, you're not a catcher any more. If you were our call wouldn't be the only one you got when your contract expir...
Bert: All right, I'll do it myself! Mary Poppins: Do what? Bert: Bit o' magic! Michael: A bit of magic? Bert: It's easy! Let's see... You think. [he, Jane, and Michael do so] Bert: You wink. [they do so] Bert: You do a double blink. [they do so] Bert...
John Anderton: No doubt the precogs have already seen this. Lamar Burgess: No doubt. John Anderton: You see the dilemma don't you. If you don't kill me, precogs were wrong and precrime is over. If you do kill me, you go away, but it proves the system...
Chris: You heard of anything? Vin: Just shooing some flies away from a Mexican village, but I can't find out what it pays. Chris: Twenty dollars. Vin: A week? Vin: Six weeks. Vin: Oh, that's ridiculous. Have you heard of anything? Chris: Yeah. Shooin...
Wendy: You'd better be careful. Eric: Of what? Wendy: I'm serious, Eric. You're not in Modesto anymore. I see the way you look at him. Eric: He's so beautiful. I can't help it. He's like a god. Wendy: You don't have to tell me, I was infatuated with ...
Duke Forrest: [In O.R] I can't stop that bleeding down there. [to Dish] Duke Forrest: Is that true what I hear about you? Get me a clamp. Get me a clamp. Lt. Maria 'Dish' Schneider: Captain Pierce, did you call me? Hawkeye Pierce: No, I didn't, and m...
[Caine Lawson reflecting after being shot] Caine: After stomping on Ilena's cousin like that, I knew I was gonna have to deal with that fool someday. Damn! I never thought he'd come back like this, blasting. Like I said, it was funny like that in the...
[Frank knocks on the door of Enrico Pallazzo's room. Enrico opened the door] Enrico Pallazzo: Yes? Frank: Mr. Pallazzo? Enrico Pallazzo: Si? Frank: I'm the head usher. Enrico Pallazzo: Ah! Frank: I'm here to tell you... Excuse me. [Enrico turns aroun...
Driving instructor: It's okay. Normally you would not be going sixty-five down the wrong way of a one-way street. [a large semi truck appears speeding out of a tunnel towards the car. Stephanie screams, even Frank is terrified, but the unflappable dr...
Milton Waddams: [talking on the phone] And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've ...
Ulysses Everett McGill: Deceitful, two-faced she-woman. Never trust a female Delmar, remember that one simple precept and your time with me will not have been ill spent. Delmar O'Donnell: Ok, Everett. Ulysses Everett McGill: Hit by a train! Truth mea...
Charles: [enters Anne and Nicholas' bedroom] [quietly] Charles: How are my little ones? Anne: [excited] Daddy! [she hugs Charles] Anne: Why did you take so long? Charles: [smiles when he sees Nicholas] Hello Nicholas. [Nicholas hugs him] Anne: [to Ni...
Harmonica: I saw three of these dusters a short time ago, they were waiting for a train. Inside the dusters, there were three men. Cheyenne: So? Harmonica: Inside the men, there were three bullets. Cheyenne: That's a crazy story, Harmonica, for two r...
Ten Bears: These things you say we will have, we already have. Josey Wales: That's true. I ain't promising you nothing extra. I'm just giving you life and you're giving me life. And I'm saying that men can live together without butchering one another...
Mr. Darcy: You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still ...
C. K. Dexter Haven: Orange juice, certainly. Tracy Lord: Don't tell me you've forsaken your beloved whisky and whiskies. C. K. Dexter Haven: No-no-no-no. I've just changed their colour, that's all. I'm going for the pale pastel shades now. They're mo...
Indiana: Hello, Marion. Marion: Indiana Jones. I always knew some day you'd come walking back through my door. I never doubted that. Something made it inevitable. So, what are you doing here in Nepal? Indiana: I need one of the pieces your father col...
Party Boy: [at Caesar's cage] Hey, check out this guy. Dodge Landon: Hey that one's a pain in the ass, man! He thinks he's special or something. Party Boy: Freaky. Come here. Come on. It's like he's thinking or something. Caesar: [grabs the man's thr...
Parole Board chairman: They've got a name for people like you H.I. That name is called "recidivism." Parole Board member: Repeat offender! Parole Board chairman: Not a pretty name, is it H.I.? H.I.: No, sir. That's one bonehead name, but that ain't m...
