For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been a cat guy. Every night as I go to sleep, I have this particular fantasy I indulge in. Most men dream about naked women, but not me. I dream about being isolated in a mountainous forest in the middle o...
Oh, look, there are jobs available in Jacksonville! Today there are two jobs for me and 1.2 million other people in this city to choose from. I can either go into the advertising industry by being a sign spinner, which sounds perfect for me because I...
Damon Macready: [Damon is studying security videos and blueprints for Frank D'Amico's building] We've gotta get *over* it, on *top* of it, and then *into* it! Right in the middle of it! Mindy Macready: [looks up from the computer screen she's been st...
I had a few good professors in my painting and drawing classes, but all my graphic design classes tried to teach us how to use Photoshop and Illistrator by showing the class demonstration video clips. You know, exactly like the kind you can watch for...
I decide to scope out craigslist to see all the vibrant economic employment opportunities available to me in this depression. Oh, I’m sorry, I mean “recession.” No matter how many millions of jobs are lost, how much debt our country accrues, or...
Charlotte: [after Bob tells her of his back pain] I'm in pain, I got my foot banged up. Wanna see it? Bob: [to Chef, sarcastically] How do you say no? [sees the foot] Bob: Oh, my gosh! When did you do this? Charlotte: I did it the other day, it hurts...
Jordan Belfort: [holding his child] Does Daddy get a kiss from both of his little girls? Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, no. No, Daddy doesn't even get to touch Mommy for a very, very... very long time. Jordan Belfort: Daddy's really sorry about what he said in ...
This is the true story of my life, as told by a complete liar (me). While that sounds like an honest statement, it’s also a lie. I just can’t help myself. Unless I’m helping myself to seconds at dinner. You see, I can’t possibly be a complete...
Gosh, it's easy!' he marveled, open-mouthed. 'I never knew before how easy it is to kill anyone! Twenty years to grow 'em, and all it takes is one little push!' He was suddenly drunk with some new kind of power, undiscovered until this minute. The po...
Steven Connolly: [after he and Sheba have made love for the first time] Can I smoke, Miss? Sheba Hart: You can do what you want, but enough of this 'Miss'. Steven Connolly: [laughs] Were you a model once? [shakes her head] Steven Connolly: Well you s...
Fs Are "Fabulous" Hey, Mom and Dad! I got my grades! And you'll be thrilled to hear the marks on our report cards are changed around this year. A bunch of kids were telling me this morning on the bus, that they had heard some teachers say that Fs are...
The temperature in the room seems to have gone up about ten degrees. My armpits are sweating and I notice myself vigorously massaging my left hand with my right hand. I am clenching my jaw tight and my body seems rigidly fit for a casket. But enough ...
Oh my gosh, he smells good, like some exotic but comforting spice, nutmeg or cardamom. Slowly Damian lowers his head to mine and I think my chest might explode, my heart is tap-dancing so quickly. I've imagined this and now it's really happening, I a...
Rapunzel: [after leaving her tower; happily] I can't believe I did this! [worried] Rapunzel: I can't believe I did this. [excitedly squealing] Rapunzel: I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THIS! [nervous laughter] Rapunzel: ... Mother would be so furious. [later, ...
