Jelly Roll Morton: [Jelly Roll Morton enters the hall for the duel, meeting 1900 for the first time] I believe you're sitting in my seat. 1900: [stands, good-naturedly] You're the one that invented jazz, right? Jelly Roll Morton: That's what they say...
[Taking the gifts from the Three Wise Men and pushing them out the door] Brian's mother: Er, well, um, if you're dropping by again, do pop in. Heh. And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, er, but don't worry too much about the myrrh next time...
Bud White: Bullshit. How would a two-bit hick like Meeks get his hands on a large supply of heroin? Johnny Stompanato: You're right, it's probably bullshit. Even if he did, he could never unload it. Not without drawing all kinds of attention. Bud Whi...
Constance Harraway: The TA just finished transcribing all the governor's radio and TV comments. Listen to this gem: Journalist - "Governor, don't you think three executions in one week is a little excessive?" Governor - "I say let's bring them in, st...
Zazu: I'm here to announce that King Mufasa's on his way. So you'd better have a good excuse for missing the ceremony this morning. Scar: [sees the mouse scampering off] Oh, now look, Zazu, you made me lose my lunch. Zazu: Ha! You'll lose more than t...
Little Horse: [an obvious "two-spirit" Indian approaches Jack] Little Big Man! You have returned. Don't you remember me? That hurts me deep in my heart. Jack Crabb: [voiceover] It was Little Horse; the boy who wouldn't go on the raid against the Pawn...
Mathilda: You killed my brother. Stansfield: I'm sorry. And you want to join him? Mathilda: No. Stansfield: It's always the same thing. It's when you start to become really afraid of death that you learn to appreciate life. Do you like life, sweethea...
Slevin: You're not as tall as I thought you'd be. Lindsey: Well, I'm short for my height. Slevin: That makes sense because I can usually tell how tall someone is by their knock. You have a deceptively tall knock. Congratulations. Lindsey: So it's a g...
[Algren and Katsumoto ride up to Bagley, who sees that Algren has turned against him] Colonel Bagley: Good God... Sir, the Imperial Army of Japan demands your surrender. If you and your fellas lay down your arms, you will not be harmed. Katsumoto: Th...
[a nightmare switches between a ladies' garden club and a Soviet/Chinese military hospital] Chairlady: You will notice that I have told them they may smoke. I've allowed my people to have a little fun in the selection of bizarre tobacco substitutes.....
Lisa: You should be sleeping, baby. Pita: I'm trying, Mom Lisa: Good news. You're going back to school Pita: When? Lisa: Samuel is going to hire a new bodyguard. It may take a few days, but you're going back Pita: Could he speak English? Emilio could...
President Barack Obama: Rizvan Khan, it's good to see you hale and hearty. You on TV more than me now, huh? Rizwan Khan: You already know my name? President Barack Obama: Yes I do. Your name is Khan. Rizwan Khan: Yes. President Barack Obama: And you ...
Walt Bishop: Be advised, the two of you will never see each other again. Those were your last words. Do you understand? Suzy: I'd be careful if I were you. One of these days, somebody's gonna get pushed too far. And who knows what they're capable of?...
Distraught Male Voice: I just can't go on. I'm not good any more, goodbye... goodbye... aaaargh... Aaaargh. [a leaf falls to the ground] Distraught Female Voice: Oh my God. What'll I do? I can't live without him... I... aaaargh. [Another leaf falls] ...
Mushu: The truth is we're both frauds. Your ancestors never sent me, they don't even like me. But you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions. [Cri-Kee chirps sadly at Mushu] Mushu...
[flashback] Leonard Shelby: How can you read that again? Leonard's Wife: It's good. Leonard Shelby: Yeah, but you read it like a thousand times. Leonard's Wife: I enjoy it. Leonard Shelby: I always thought the pleasure of a book was wanting to know w...
Paul House: Well, what do you buy a woman who has everything? Lillian House: We already own twin cemetery plots. Larry Lipton: I always think a Bentley is in good taste. Or, you could go the route I did and buy her a set of handkerchiefs. Carol Lipto...
Jane: Good morning, father! George W. Banks: [grumbles] 'Morning. Jane: Mary Poppins taught us the most wonderful word! Michael: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! George W. Banks: What on Earth are you talking about, supercal... super... or whateve...
[first lines] Christopher "Chris" Wilton: The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are m...
Gil: Would you read it? Ernest Hemingway: Your novel? Gil: Yeah, it's about 400 pages long, and I'm just looking for an opinion. Ernest Hemingway: My opinion is I hate it. Gil: Well you haven't even read it yet. Ernest Hemingway: If it's bad, I'll ha...
Dave Boyle: Hey, you think I can get that Sprite, Sean? Sean Devine: Sure. [opens the door to leave] Dave Boyle: Oh, I get it. You're the good cop. How about a meatball sub while you're at it? Sean Devine: I ain't your bitch, Dave. Looks like you're ...
