Quotes of: Good-book Keyword

Having sex on a motorcycle wouldn’t only be exciting, it’d be dangerous. What if while we were parked we got broadsided by a speeding bicycle?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

A vibrating toothbrush is one hygienic marvel of a sex toy. The next time I want to make love, I’ll make a dentist appointment.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I've never had a one-night stand with anybody over the course of a whole weekend. I've also never had a one-night stand while standing the whole time.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I make love sensually, and without the aid of a fancy recipe. I just open the box, add water, stir a bit, and pop it in the oven.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m getting gray hair in all sorts of crazy places. Like all over my carpet. It’s like I live in a nursing home, except without all the sex.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m great at making love, at least for the first 20 bucks, and for about 30 minutes after that I just sort of lay there, trying to stretch out my investment.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

When asked about sex, she said she had a headache. I said I have a pill for that. It’s called a Viagra, & I’d be willing to take it for her.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Last night my girl and I were knocking boots, but it won’t happen tonight, because earlier today I went out and bought a doorbell.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Too much nudity is a turn off. Especially if all that flesh is on one person.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

John Wilkinson invented the horizontal boring machine, and what a boring machine it was! In fact, it’s so boring that I think I’ll go to sleep now.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

We need more upright citizens in this country. Everybody is just lying down as if asleep to the issues. And those who are up and moving are merely sleepwalking.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

What I thought was a black hole turned out to be nothing more than a splatter of ink on my tie. And I assumed I was wearing the most astrological outfit of the century.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I wish I could bottle up my penis and sell it at a garage sale. But first I need to get a garage.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I could do more pull-ups with a midget on my back, than a midget could do with me on his back. This makes me the superior land animal.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Love is so stressful. I just want to wear a toga and be a shepherd. If I looked more like Jesus, I’ll bet I’d get more followers on Twitter.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I wish I could climb the corporate ladder like I could climb a tree, but I can’t, because I’m afraid of heights. And bark.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’ve just begun to scratch the surface of my talent, and boy does my talent itch. It’s like a red mosquito bite the size of Mars.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I am greedy with water. I made your apology tea dry. I’m sorry. You might try snorting it out of the bag.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

You haven’t lived until you’ve wiped your ass with a pile of sand. Toilet paper doesn’t measure eternity the way the sands of time do.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Her name is Today. I told her I’d call her tomorrow. That was yesterday. I’m confused about the time, but not about the fact that I’m in love.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Why have you left me, Yesterday? Was it because I slept with Today? I have a routine. Every day I do something different.

This Book is Not FOR SALE