Quotes of: Good-book Keyword

Money, like a person whose first name is Money, shouldn’t be what you spend your time fantasizing about. And the same goes for goats too, you pervert.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My zip code is my salary. Too bad I live in 32256 and not 90210.
Also, I lied—but only because the zip code 00000 does not exist.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If you’re thinking about killing someone, don’t. Not don’t kill them, but don’t think about it—just do it already.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

The night before I’m murdered,” said the voice over in my head, “will be at noon.” I’d better write and mail all my love letters in my mannequin handwriting.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’d like to make the argument that The Cars were the first garage band.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I’m trying to be a better gangsta, so I’m learning how to play the ukulele. I'm also trying to figure out how to rap a romance novel, like The Notebook.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Cher and share alike. At least in sound. Most of the decisions I make are sound, exactly like Beethoven when he wrote and discarded his 10th symphony.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If Twinkies grew on trees, as nature intended, then I would like to irrigate your fertile valley. When we make love, bring your own knitting equipment.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I don’t understand the game of Cricket. But I do get the game of Noisy Night Insect.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

It’s important that my socks match. I don’t want anything that distracts from my sock puppet show. Quiet, now! Show starts in ten seconds.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’ve just awarded myself a trophy for bicycling. It’s big and it only has one wheel. Now I’m one unicycle away from the bicycle that is love.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Over 90% of my do-nothing attitude can be attributed to one thing—nothing. So can the other 10%—but that’s just the free sample part.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The beauty of the ocean, it takes your breath away. Especially if you’re underwater. She also took my breath away. She suffocated me with her love.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

When the gain is greater than the pain, I’ll be there, telling you how we can both profit from your productivity. That’s what love is about.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I like color commentators. Especially red, white, and blue color commentators. As an American I sometimes feel so patriotic I feel British.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I think Gummy Bears should be the universal symbol for peace, because peace leads to prosperity, prosperity leads to decadence, and decadence leads to diabetes.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Keep your wife happy by living in a slightly nicer house than your neighbor. And you can do this by living in a poorer neighborhood than you ever imagined.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

People think I’m all gloom and doom all the time. I’m not. I also have bad days where I’m pessimistic.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I took some naked pictures the other day. I don’t feel shamed, but I do feel remorse over having to steal the whole camera to get the pictures.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’d make a great politician. I’d make it out of pig shit, so it wouldn’t be as foul as it is now.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I like glad-handing, because I hate handshakes that are sad. That’s why I’d make a great politician—because I wouldn’t shake hands with a lobbyist.

This Book is Not FOR SALE