Quotes of: Good-book Keyword

I didn’t get your letter. I did receive it, but I didn’t understand it.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

If my name were Nubby Blues, I wouldn't be a jazz musician, I'd be a disabled Vietnam vet on welfare.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I drink special water, because not all water is equal. Some water is smarter and taller and more handsome than other water.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m as deadly as a marine, when compared to marine plant life. It took lots of water, sunlight, and standing still to get this badass.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

He wouldn’t even understand dry wit if you dropped him off in the desert with a canteen full of sand and a Sandberg poem.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Women love to talk. I'll bet Van Gogh had a woman. And I'll bet she talked his ear off.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I don’t care about being cool. I just want to be loved by half the world (100% of the female population).

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Certain words roll off the tongue like frozen balls of saliva. Words like sure, positive, and definite—you know, words that are certain.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

In hospitality, people vacation where you live. And so when I stay home from work it’s like a double vacation.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

You make me sick. I think I’ll have to call out of work on your account. Or have that account closed.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I want to write an unreliable narrator. In fact, he’ll be so unreliable that I’m not even sure he’ll show up to narrate.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I don't sit on material like a sofa. I also don't sit on material like a sofa. I’m a stand on the couch kind of writer.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The country with the most writers is ironically probably the country with the least readers—USA. And once my parents die, my entire reading base will disappear.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

She had a perfect smile. She doesn’t anymore, but I do. I have that perfect smile mounted on my wall like a pair of antlers.

This Book Has No Title

I talked to him on Christmas, and again on March 5th. Neither one of us hung up the phone that whole time.

This Book Has No Title

Be the cheeseburger you’ve always dreamed you could be. That’s the advice I’d give to any hamburger running for political office.

This Book Has No Title

The best way to hide a body is to convert it to saltwater and then dump it in the ocean. But whatever you do, do not drink it!

This Book Has No Title

My rule of thumb for hitchhiking is: stick it up straight and proud and make if visible to all drivers.

This Book Has No Title

-I’m 60-years-old.
 -Ma’am, I don’t believe it.
 -You’re too kind.
 -It’s true. You look at least 75.

This Book Has No Title

I added five shots to my coffee, because that’s all the bullets my magazine can hold.

This Book Has No Title

Due to state laws, the restaurant was nonsmoking, which as a nonsmoker pleases me, but as a Libertarian it pisses me off.


This Book Has No Title