Humor is so subjective, not everyone is going to get what you are peddling. Others will be offended when what you meant no offense whatsoever. Those are the stakes. You have to be able to stand up for yourself and what you’ve written. Comedy pushes...
Golden retrievers are not bred to be guard dogs, and considering the size of their hearts and their irrepressible joy in life, they are less likely to bite than to bark, less likely to bark than to lick a hand in greeting. In spite of their size, the...
Yes, he is here in this open field, in sunlight, among the few young trees set out to modify the bare facts-- he's here, but only because we are here. When we go, he goes with us to be your hands that never do violence, your eyes that wonder, your li...
Please just admit it," said Valkyrie. "You're going to miss me, aren't you?" "Obviously," said Skulduggery. "Thank you." "like a drowning man misses the land." "Aw w w..." "Like a hesitant man misses the chance." "Yeah..." "Like an oblivious man miss...
I've always said "Writer's Block" is a myth. There is no such thing as writer's block, only writers trying to force something that isn't ready yet. Sometimes I don't write for weeks. And then all of the sudden I'll get a rush of inspiration and you c...
You have to take chances for peace, just as you must take chances in war. Some say that we were brought to the verge of war. Of course we were brought to the verge of war. The ability to get to the verge without getting into the war is the necessary ...
Life is filled with either problems or possibilities. When you look at a problem, but see opportunity instead, you become a powerful source that transforms grief into greatness. Don’t be someone who goes through greater lengths to avoid change than...
You are not what you have done, but what you have overcome. All the hardships, the mistakes, the rejections, the pain and all the times you questioned why have given birth to the wisdom and strength that will help you shine your light on the world, e...
I think unconsciously I was afraid that if she asked me how I felt, my unleashed grief and rage would kill us all. In some unadmitted corner of myself I was already weeping and screaming and begging her not to leave me, not to go. If I started crying...
Mowgli: [sees the girl] Look. What's that? Bagheera: Oh, it's the man-village. Mowgli: No, no. I mean that. Baloo: Forget about those, they ain't nothing but trouble. Mowgli: Just a minute. I've never seen one before. Baloo: So you've seen one. So le...
McCoy: [grabbing Spock's arm] You're not going in there! Spock: Perhaps you're right. What is Mr. Scott's condition? McCoy: [turns to Scotty] Well I don't think that he... [Spock use the vulcan nerve pinch on McCoy] Spock: I'm sorry, Doctor, I have n...
Agnes: If this is the best you can do, don't bother. Go home, and keep your perfume. We just pretend to be friends because there's no one else to be with. You know what the most boring thing I've ever done is? When you took me to that wheelchair bask...
[first lines] Lorenzo: This is a true story about friendship that runs deeper than blood. This is my story and that of the only three friends in my life that truely mattered. Two of them were killers who never made it past the age of 30. The other's ...
[the boys are having trouble designing how to get across the river] Teddy: Okay, you guys can go around if you want. I'm crossing here. And while you guys are dragging your candy asses half way across the state and back, I'll be waiting on the other ...
Samantha: [after leaving Bill's family for good] Why couldn't we take Randy and Mindy with us? Mom: Because sweetie, I'm not their legal guardian, that would be kidnapping; it's against the law. Samantha: Couldn't you talk to their mom? Mom: I tried ...
[Old Sixsmith notices the "shooting star"-shaped birthmark] Old Rufus Sixsmith: That's a very peculiar birthmark. Luisa Rey: Yeah, my mom was sure it was going to be cancerous and kept trying to get me to remove it, but... I kinda like it. Old Rufus ...
[Frobisher is misplaying Ayrs' composition] Vyvyan Ayrs: [pained] Stop. Please. You're hurting me. You must have misheard me. I said a "melody", not a "malady". [Jocasta enters] Jocasta Ayrs: Vyvyan? Vyvyan Ayrs: Jocasta! Deliver me. Jocasta Ayrs: Wh...
Elias: [removing a smoking black basket of fries] I don't think these look right. Randal Graves: Jesus! Step away from the fryer before you burn us all alive! Elias: It's not my fault you abandoned your post! Randal Graves: Was it too much to ask tha...
Jay: We can lend you the money under two conditions. One, we can hang out in front of your store and you can't call the cops. And two, you two have to blow each other right now. And we get to watch. And then you have to go ass to mouth. [Dante, Randa...
Vincent: Why don't you shoot? Spike: What? Vincent: What's wrong? Lose your nerve? You started out so fearlessly. Go on. Pull the trigger. Spike: I don't think so. I blow the bounty if I blow you away. Vincent: I have no fear of death. It just means ...
Mother: Randy, how do the little piggies go? Randy: [oinks like a pig] Mother: That's right. Oink, oink! Now show me how the piggies eat. [points to his plate] Mother: This is your trough. Show me how the piggies eat. Be a good boy. Show mommy how th...
