I remember when my aunt died, the thing that pissed me off the most was going to get groceries the next day and seeing all those people who didn't care... didn't understand why I was so upset when I saw her brand of cigarettes behind the counter.
If I could understand everything the way I do now, I could make it all--and then it just stopped. Leaving me with that feeling like when you figure out something brilliant and profound in a dream, but you wake up, and all you remember is that you kne...
It was not like everyone had said. Not like being needed, or needing; not desperate; it did not whisper that I'd come to harm. I didn't lose my head. No, I was not going to leap from a great height and flap my wings. It was in fact the opposite of fl...
I watched the rain fall, and I thought, “That water supply is lost revenue for my city’s utility company. The rain that falls on my neighbor’s land is city water, and whether they collect it in barrels or wastefully let it seep into the land, t...
I had a dream about you. We were waiting in line, and you were right in front of me. The line was three people long, and I felt like the bronze medalist of the Checkout Championship. You must have felt like a winner, because you didn’t seem to be i...
I had a dream about you. You took a cruise, and I took a canoe. I paddled alongside your ship out into the Atlantic Ocean and down to the Caribbean. I shouted “I love you” the whole way, but you couldn’t hear me, probably because that man you w...
The other night my grandpa stopped breathing. I thought he was trying to set a world record for holding his breath, but after ten minutes of me cheering him on, he had to be boring and go and die on us and totally spoil our dinner. The good news was ...
I had a dream about you. You loved me, and I loved you. We had an amazing life until you realized that I also loved your clone. You were jealous, and I didn’t see the problem—I was in love with you, even if it wasn’t you. Plus, I was in love wi...
I had a dream about you. You winked at me and said the meat’s fresh, and I didn’t know which meat you were referring to. So I zipped up my pants and left the Men’s room in a hurry. I’d rather buy my thinly sliced beef somewhere else.
I had a dream about you. I’d just invented a meltless popsicle, and you’d just created melted ice cream in a can—as a substitute for soup. You looked at me as if I was some sort of creep, and I looked at you through binoculars, while sitting in...
I had a dream you stopped by the shop and helped us get more followers for Facebook and twitter. And then you showed up tomorrow and were like “here!” and you threw 5000 likes on me and it felt like slugs. And smelled like fried chicken. I was so...
I had a dream about you. You were a dolphin in a fur coat, and I was your shrink telling you that you were experiencing feelings of mammal inadequacies. You thought instead of paying me, your money would be better spent on sex, and I agreed. So I sol...
I can't take it anymore. The waiting. The wanting. Something inside me snaps. I hate myself. I hate that I have to deal with this. I hate my life. And I hate how I can't count on anyone to be completely there when I need them, exactly the way I need ...
My friend, coworker, and neighbor didn’t have a way to get to work, so he asked me for a ride. I told him he should just not show up, stay home, and collect unemployment for a not job well done (or a job not well done). I should be a politician.
And for once, Donald Rumsfeld, in the news at the time over the Iraq war made sense to me: "As we know," he said, famously, "there are known knowns-things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns-things we know we don't know. But there ...
But one of the things I have learned during the time I have spent in the United States is an old African American saying: Each one, teach one. I want to believe that I am here to teach one and, more, that there is one here who is meant to teach me. A...
I tried to visualize my jealousy as a yellowy-brown cloud boiling around inside me, then going out through my nose like smoke and turning into a stone and falling down into the ground. That did work a little. But in my visualization a plant covered w...
My friends scoffed at my anxiety and said dumb things like, 'Fifty is the new forty!' Which just made me realize that there are a whole lot of other people who suck at math as bad as I do. No. Fifty is fifty.
That chain of relationships made me think of how connections are made--you read a book, you meet a person, you have a single experience, and your life is changed in some way. No act, therefore, however small, should be dismissed or ignored.
My body slid from human to wolf in a crack! of black smoke. Wolf was panting and I watched frost dissipate on my hot tongue, sending tiny rivulets of steam into the air. The world was sharp and clear, and I never realized how many different colors of...
The coma carried me into a world where time and space seemed to vanish; it was a dreamlike existence in which people, places, and situations shifted as quickly as thoughts. I had a profound sense of being at a crossroads, a turning point, somewhere b...
