Marwood: [after trying the Camberwell Carrot] Give me a downer, Danny. My brain's capsizing, I've gotta unfuck my brain! Danny: Change down, man. Find your neutral space. You got a rush. It'll pass. Be seated. Marwood: Aren't you getting absurdly hig...
Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him... the things he'd say to me. Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What did he say? Igor: "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of ...
Indian street magic tends to be very gory, blood and guts. One trick is for a magician to take a knife and appear to cut his kid's head almost off. The magician then says to the crowd, 'Well I can continue to cut off my son's head or you can all give...
When I finished performing 'I Won't Give Up' for the first time, I opened my eyes, and I think there was maybe six people in there when I started, and when I finished there was about 30 people, all standing around with their jaws dropped in complete ...
I think if I ever stopped pushing myself, I would revert quickly to quite repetitive, restrictive behaviour. But in pushing myself and concentrating on what I can do, I think I can contribute to society. And that gives me the desire to keep pushing, ...
Harry Rosenfeld: Bernstein, why don't you finish one story before trying to get on another? Carl Bernstein: I finished it. Harry Rosenfeld: The Virginia legislature story? Carl Bernstein: I finished it. Harry Rosenfeld: All right, give it to me. Carl...
Doorknob: D'ooooh! Alice: Oh! I beg your pardon... Doorknob: Whew. Quite all right, but you did give me quite a turn. Alice: You see, I was following... Doorknob: Rather good, what? Doorknob? Turn? Since one good turn deserves another, what can I do ...
Charlie: I pulled off early today. Took your advice, went to a doctor about this ear. He says 'You have an ear infection, ten dollars please'. So I says 'I told you I had an ear infection, you give me ten dollars!' Well that started an argument.
Ray: So Harry Waters wants me dead. What a wanker. Ken: He said this whole trip, this whole being in Bruges thing, was just to give you one last, joyful memory before you died. Ray: [Absolutely stunned] In BRUGES? The Bahamas, maybe. Why fucking Brug...
Thomas Leroy: Thank you, Nina! It's very nice. It's very nice, but I knew the white swan wouldn't be your problem. The real work would be your metamorphosis into her evil twin. I know I saw a flash of her yesterday, so get ready to give me more of th...
My true religion, my faith in God. He gives me love and compassion. I simply return them by loving and being compassionate towards others. Our own heart, our own mind, is the temple of God. The teachings of God is to love one another as he loves us. ...
If I commit suicide, it will not be to destroy myself, but to put myself back together again. Suicide will be for me only one means of violently reconquering myself, of brutally invading my being, of anticipating the unpredictable approaches of God. ...
I don't know how much more what I've done is any more important than what Ella Fitzgerald did. Ella crossed those lines, as did George Benson before me. There've been lots of people who brought a pop audience to jazz because they were able to link th...
When I saw Adele, I thought: 'I'll give it an hour before people say I was her,' just because I was fat. When you watch 'X Factor,' you can bet your bottom dollar, every single fat singer sounds like me as far as the judges are concerned. Can you ima...
This ain't the heartbreak hotel even though I know it well. Those no shows should you tell in the way you hold yourself. Don't you fret should you get another cancellation, give me a chance and I'll make a permanent reservation. In your heart in your...
I know I'm not perfect at giving my body what it needs to refuel after a run. Recognizing my bad habits has helped me pay more attention to what I eat. I have been known to rush through my day without making nutrition a priority, so I work hard to pr...
Young Pharmacy Kid: Strong, strong stuff here. What exactly you have wrong, you need all this stuff? Linda Partridge: Motherfucker... Young Pharmacy Kid: What are you talking about? Linda Partridge: Who the fuck are you, who the fuck do you think you...
The poor ones give their alms in a humble way, the rich man throws them down with contempt.
Humor to a man is like a feather pillow. It is filled with what is easy to get but gives great comfort.
When you take a knife away from a child, give him a piece of wood instead.
Never ask God to give you anything; ask Him to put you where things are.
