Ryan Bingham: Your resume says you minored in French Culinary Arts. Most students work the frier at KFC. You busted tables at Il Picatorre to support yourself. Then you got out of college and started working here. How much did they pay you to give up...
Danny: My partner's got a really good idea for making dolls. His name's Presuming Ed. His sister give him the idea. She got a doll on Christmas what pisses itself. Then you gotta change its drawers for it. It's horrible really but they like that, the...
Lieutenant John Chard: Mr. Bourne, there should be 12 more men working on this redoubt. Color Sgt. Bourne: They're very tired, sir. [Chard whirls around] Lieutenant John Chard: I don't give a damn! And I want this wall nine feet high, firing steps on...
[while wrestling with his son] King Leonidas: In the end, a Spartan's true strength is the warrior next to him. So give respect and honor to him, and it will be returned to you. First, you fight with your head... Queen Gorgo: Then you fight with your...
Tick: Well, listen to this one. After we did the ABBA show, Kevin had one of those liposuction penis enlargements. Felicia: He didn't? Tick: Yep. Do you know what they do? They siphon all the fat out of your love handles, and actually inject it into ...
[Paul has no money for a subway token] Paul Hackett: Couldn't you just give me one token, please? Subway Attendant: I can't do that. I may lose my job. [Paul looks around and sees no one else in the station] Paul Hackett: Well, who would know... exac...
Otter: Let me give you a hint. She's got a couple of major-league yabbos. Boon: Beverly! Otter: No. But you're getting warmer. Here's another: "Oh God, Oh God, OH GOD!" Boon: Marlene! Don't tell me you're gonna pork Marlene Desmond! Otter: Pork? Boon...
Sultan: It's this suitor business. Jasmine refuses to choose a husband. I'm at my wits' end. Iago: Awk! Wits' end! Sultan: Oh. [laughs and pulls out a cracker] Sultan: Have a cracker, pretty Polly. [Iago gasps and shakes his head. Sultan stuffs the c...
Dad: I'd only give one piece of advice to anyone marrying. We're all quite similar in the end. We all get old and tell the same tales too many times. But try and marry someone kind. And this is a kind man with a good heart. Dad: I'm not particularly ...
Cecilia Tallis: [Referring to Paul Marshall] I suppose he's what you might call "eligible." Leon Tallis: Rather. Cecilia Tallis: He certainly seems to think he's the cat's pajamas. Which is odd, considering he has pubic hair growing out of his ears. ...
Beast: Who are you? What are you doing here? Maurice: I-I-I was lost in the woods, and-and... Beast: You're not welcome here! Maurice: I-I-I'm sorry. Beast: What are you staring at? Maurice: N-nothing. Beast: So, you've come to stare at the BEAST, ha...
Sheldon Flender: You, you, you're all missing the point, the point is I can give pleasure many times a day! Rita: Oh, now, really Flender, what does quantity got to do with it? Sheldon Flender: Quantity, quantity affects quality! David Shayne: Says w...
CWO Dan Jollata: [Spots Somalis with RPGs and firearms] Art; I've got Skinnies with RPGS! Twelve o'clock! Crew Chief: [to Medics roping down] Go! Go! Go! Crew Chief: Roger; give me 90 degrees to the left. [Black Hawk rotates 90 degrees to the left wh...
Matt: [pulls out hamburger buns from paper bag] Oh, Ruth hates these. Willis Grinnel: What? Matt: I got the wrong kind of buns. Willis Grinnel: Maybe we can borrow hers. [points towards Natalie, who is bending over and feeding Duncan] Willis Grinnel:...
Mike Shiner: [to Riggan] Don't tell me how to do my job. This is my town, and to be honest, most people don't give a shit about you here. Lady in Bar: Hey, you're Riggan Thompson, right? Would you mind having a picture with us here? [hands phone to M...
Broadway Man on Street: "Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." [sees Riggan] Broadway Man on Str...
Colonel Nicholson: It only remains for me to say, thank you, Colonel Saito, for your kind attention, and are there any other questions? Colonel Saito: One question... can you finish the bridge in time? Colonel Nicholson: Frankly, the consensus of opi...
The Dude: You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fuckin' glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on! You'd just met me! You human... paraquat! You figured 'Oh, here's a...
Nash: If we all go for the blonde and block each other, not a single one of us is going to get her. So then we go for her friends, but they will all give us the cold shoulder because no on likes to be second choice. But what if none of us goes for th...
[Lime blows the dust from the keyboard, then presses a key. waits for something to happen] Lime: [worried and somewhat frustrated] Sod it, it's broken! Sam Lowry: You haven't switched it on. [presses a key, the computer starts] Lime: Oh, yes. [looks ...
[while Mongo is beating the hell out of a bar full of toughs, Bart walks in, dressed as a messenger boy and carrying a box] Bart: Candygram for Mongo! Candygram for Mongo! Mongo: Me Mongo. Bart: Sign, please. [Mongo grabs the paper and makes some rou...
