Patrick: There's this one guy, queer as a 3 dollar bill. The guy's father doesn't know about his son. So, he comes into the basement one night when he's supposed to be out of town. Catches his son with another boy, so he starts beating him. But not l...
Chris: How are you feeling, Charlie? Charlie: Good. Chris: No, you know what I mean. Is it bad tonight? Charlie: No, no. I'm not picturing things anymore. Or if I do I can just shut it off. Chris: Well, you know, Mom did say that you have good friend...
Glen: Say that reminds me, how'd you get that kid so darn fast? Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? W...
Dot: I'm sure you have the life insurance squared away? Ed McDonnough: Have we done that honey? We gotta do that honey! Dot: You gotta do that HI! Ed's got her hands full with this little angel. H.I.: Yes, ma'am. Dot: What would Ed and little angel d...
General Al Kramer: Wait a minute. What is the potential casualty rate for a single rocket armed with VX poison gas, General Peterson? General Peterson: Sixty or seventy... Chief of Staff Hayden Sinclair: Well, that's-that's not so bad. General Peters...
Mateus: [at practice, Rudy remains on the ground after being pummeled on a block by Mateus] Hey, little buddy, you all right? Coach Yonto: Ruettiger, get out! Rudy: [springs up, refusing to be taken out] I can do it, coach! Rudy: [play is run again, ...
Mateus: Hey man, I just want to say sorry about what I said at practice. Rudy: Don't be sorry. Mateus: Do you understand that if you don't cool it out there you're going to get yourself killed? Rudy: If I cool it out there, then I won't be helping yo...
[Location: on a back road, nineteen minutes to eleven o'clock] Charlie: We're not in the air, we're not on the highway, I'm on some shit secondary road. I gotta make up some time. I have to get to LA, I should've been there this afternoon, my busines...
Gordon Cooper: [during the lung capacity test] Ha! 93 seconds. Read it and weep [notices Glenn and Carpenter are still exhaling] John Glenn: [Glenn has run out of breath well past Gordo's time] Congratulations, Scott. Darn good. Scott Carpenter: [sha...
Skinner: The soup! Where is the soup? Out of my way. Move it, garbage boy! [sees a ladle in Linguini's hand] Skinner: You are COOKING? How DARE you cook in MY kitchen! Where do you get the gall to even attempt something so monumentally idiotic? I sho...
Blue Stanton: Coach we need a water break, we been out here all day! Coach Boone: What did you say? Blue Stanton: Said, we need a water break. Coach Boone: A water break? Water is for cowards. Water makes you weak. Water is for washing blood off that...
Sheryl Yoast: Coach Boone, you did a good job up here. You ran a tough camp from what I can see. Coach Boone: Well I'm very happy to have the approval of a 5 year old. Sheryl Yoast: I'm 9 and a half, thank you very much. Coach Boone: Why don't you ge...
Blue Stanton: [begins to silently sing, gradually getting lowder] 'Cause baby there ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't... Big Ju: [slaps Blue's arm] Blue. Shut up. I don't want to see your smilin' and shuff in' and hear ...
Peter Bradley: [interviewing Eli Cash on television] Now, your previous novel... Eli: Yes, Wildcat. Peter Bradley: Not a success. Why? Eli: Well... Wildcat was written in a kind of obsolete vernacular... [long pause as he starts to become spaced out]...
Lt. Doyle: Lars Thorwald... is no more a murderer than I am. Jeff: [stunned] You mean that you can explain everything strange that has been going on over there, and is still going on? Lt. Doyle: No, and neither can you. That's a secret private world ...
Doyle: [shouting] We don't got no Goddamn band! We don't need to fucking practice, Randy! We don't no shit-ass manager neither! You motherfuckers! You all are a bunch of losers! I'm the only sane son-of-a-bitch here! So get the *fuck* out of my house...
The Professor: [inspecting the students' soufflés] Too low. Too pale. Too heavy. Too low. Too *high*, you are exaggerating. Fair. So-so. Sloppy. [he gets to the Baron] The Professor: Mm. Superb. My dear Baron, you have not lost your touch. [he looks...
Frank Lopez: [pleading] Please Tony, don't kill me. Please, give me one more chance. I give you $10 million. $10 million! All of it, you can have the whole $10 million. I give you $10 million. I give you all $10 million just to let me go. Come on, To...
Marv: This is blood for blood and by the gallons. These are the old days man, the bad days, the all-or-nothing days. They're back! There's no choices left. And I'm ready for war. Lucille: Prison was hell for you Marv, it's gonna be life this time. Ma...
Lily Sloane: [threatening with a phaser] You want to help me? Get me out of here! Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Alright. You want a way out? Here it is. [Picard opens window, revealing the Earth far, far below] Lily Sloane: What is this? Captain Jean-Luc ...
Kay Eiffel: [narrating] It wasn't just about finding a guitar. It was about finding a guitar that said something about Harold. Unfortunately, this guitar said: "When I get back to Georgia, that woman gonna feel my pain." This one said something along...
