Stand up comedy is this thing you get to do, so you have to treat it with respect. You can't just be like, 'Alright, I got my hour down, people are coming to see me now. Now, I'm going to lean on the mike stand.' No, you gotta work even harder now. Y...
I'm one of those sad cases who've never wanted to be anything but a writer. I started writing my first novel when I was five years old. I have no idea what it was about, but I do remember spending considerable time trying to get the title right, thou...
I am convinced that, despite what you think of Obama, I don't think Obama has a person-to-person connection with people. I think people love him because of his race and feel sorry for him, object of sympathy. I think people feel he's a victim, he por...
I'm not a gadget freak, so to say. I own an iPhone, which I love, and would sorely love to upgrade to MacBook Air from my current MacBook Pro. But what gets me going is the technology behind the gadgets, new websites, new apps. And I'm way too much i...
I worry a lot about what people think. I worry people think I'm not helping them enough, that they don't like my music, that I'm playing a song too fast or talking too fast. I worry my wife isn't happy with our relationship... I'm afraid somebody's g...
I had no idea how difficult Sondheim's music would be. All through the rehearsals, I kept flubbing. There were so many tempo changes. I could never get through the opening number without any mistakes. One day, I went up to Hal Prince and offered to l...
For me, music is sort of my passion, more so than being an actor. I just never tried to make a career as a musician. It was just something that I did on my own time, just for me. I had written a lot of songs, but I don't really record a lot of music ...
I'm a morning person because I learned to write my novels while still practicing law. I would get to the office at 6:30 a.m. and write until other people arrived, around 9. Now I still do that. I start at 6:30 or 7, and I'll write until 11, then take...
I think there's just an inherent burden of being alive and being a woman. No man would ever admit that, but I think women know it, which is: You know more than men, you know more than most people you're dealing with every day, and you know that's it ...
Before I started doing '30 Rock', I did about 25 movies. I'd always been doing stand-up every night, and then I would do, like, two to four movies a year. So I really liked doing that, and I want to get back to that, but because of the time commitmen...
Lisa "One Night" Standing: This tell us how much radiation we're getting? Alan "Hippy" Carnes: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I'm not going near no radiation. No way. Catfish De Vries: Aw Hippy, you pussy. Alan "Hippy" Carnes: Yeah, what good is the money, six mo...
Matthew Osceola: I can see your sadness. It's lovely. Susan Orlean: I'm just tired, that's all. That's my problem. So, maybe we could chat a little bit, and, you know, get some background for... Matthew Osceola: I'm not going to talk to you much. It'...
[after Ash chops up Evil Ash with a chainsaw and throws him into a hole] Evil Ash: You'll never retrieve the Necronomicon! You'll die before ya get it! Ash: Hey! What's that you got on your face? Evil Ash: Huh? [Ash throws dirt on Evil Ash's face] As...
William Miller: Do you have to be depressed to write a sad song? Do you have to be in love to write a love song? Is a song better when it really happened to you? Like "Love Thing," where did you write that and who was it about? Russell Hammond: When ...
Jafar: [from inside the lamp] Get your blasted beak out of my face! Iago: Oh, shut up, you moron! Jafar: Don't tell me to shut up! Genie: [taking the lamp off Aladdin] Allow me. Ten thousand years in a Cave of Wonders ought to chill him out! [flicks ...
Harry Rosenfeld: Bernstein, why don't you finish one story before trying to get on another? Carl Bernstein: I finished it. Harry Rosenfeld: The Virginia legislature story? Carl Bernstein: I finished it. Harry Rosenfeld: All right, give it to me. Carl...
Willard: [incredulous] What are you talking about? Chief Quartermaster (QMC) Phillips: We're taking her to some friendlies, Captain. She's wounded, she's not dead. Willard: Get off there, Chef. [Willard shoots the injured girl] Chef: Fuck it! Willard...
Willard: [about Colonel Kilgore] Well, he wasn't a bad officer, I guess. He loved his boys, and he felt safe with 'em. He was just one of those guys with that weird light around him. He just knew he wasn't gonna get so much as a scratch here.
Natasha Romanoff: Doctor Banner... Bruce, you gotta fight it. This is just what Loki wants. We're gonna be okay. Listen to me. We're gonna be okay, right? I swear on my life I will get you out of this! You will walk away, and never... Bruce Banner: [...
[from teaser] Bruce Wayne: They told me there was nothing out there, nothing to fear. But the night my parents were murdered I caught a glimpse of something. I've looked for it ever since. I went around the world, searched in all the shadows. And the...
Batman: Falcone sent them to kill you. Rachel Dawes: Why? Batman: You rattled his cage. [throws photos of Judge Faden with prostitutes] Rachel Dawes: What's this? Batman: Leverage. Rachel Dawes: For what? Batman: To get things moving. Rachel Dawes: W...
