[first lines] Nick Dunne: When I think of my wife, I always think of the back of her head. I picture cracking her lovely skull, unspooling her brain, trying to get answers. The primal questions of a marriage: What are you thinking? How are you feelin...
Melvin Udall: [enters his psychiatrist's office] Hi. [shuts door] Melvin Udall: *Help!* Dr. Green: If you want to see me, you will not do this. You will make an appointment. Melvin Udall: Dr. Green, how can you diagnose someone as an obsessive compul...
Chuckie: Christ, who did you call? Will: No one. I forgot the number. Morgan: You fuckin' retarded? You went all the way out there in the rain and you didn't bring the number? Will: No, it was your mother's 900 number. I just ran out of quarters. Mor...
Dr. Egon Spengler: I'm worried, Ray. It's getting crowded in there and all my data points to something big on the horizon. Winston Zeddemore: What do you mean, big? Dr. Egon Spengler: Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psych...
Conrad: This is for you. Nicholas: You shouldn't have. Conrad: What do you get for the man who has... everything? Nicholas: [reading card] "Consumer Recreation Services." Well, I do have golf clubs. Conrad: Call that number. Nicholas: Why? Conrad: Ma...
Francis Fratelli: Sloth stop that. Jake Fratelli: Do you remember when we took you to the Bronx Zoo and left you there? Francis Fratelli: We've never been to the Bronx Zoo! Jake Fratelli: Do you remember the time we were going to get your teeth fixed...
Mallory: You think you've been getting away with it all this time, standing by. Well, son... your bystanding days are over! You're in it now, up to your neck! They told me that you're a genius with explosives. Start proving it! [gesturing with his pi...
Dave Moss: [on Ricky] He's the top man on the board so he doesn't have to sit here and listen to this shit? Williamson: That's correct! And as the hour is waning I suggest you those of you who are interested in a continuing job with this organization...
Pam: So how exactly does one become a stuntman? Stuntman Mike: Well, in Hollywood, anyone fool enough to throw themselves down a flight of stairs can usually find someone to pay them for it. But really, I got into the business the way most people get...
Dr. Cohen: You know, our bodies are capable of doing some very funny things when they're consumed by stress and anxiety. Uh, I found my ex-best friend's cufflinks in my wife's purse. I couldn't get an erection for a year and a half. For example. Andr...
Andrew Largeman: But Kenny, the last time I saw you, you were doing coke lines off a urinal. Kenny: I know, I know, man... but it was time for me to grow up, you know? Plus, I wasn't making shit at that fish market. No one knew who I was, I couldn't ...
Ma Joad: Well, Pa, a woman can change better'n a man. A man lives sorta - well, in jerks. Baby's born or somebody dies, and that's a jerk. He gets a farm or loses it, and that's a jerk. With a woman, it's all in one flow, like a stream - little eddie...
Enid: [looking at the racist logo of Coon Chicken Inn] So, I don't really get it... Are you saying that things were better back then, even though there was stuff like this? Seymour: I suppose things are better now, but... I don't know, it's complicat...
Enid: [Enid is reading a note clipped to her diploma] What? Rebecca: What? Enid: These assholes are saying I have to go to summer school and take some stupid art class. Rebecca: Why? Enid: God, I didn't think that just because you get an "F" you have...
Bellatrix Lestrange: [Holding Hermione down] That sword is meant to be in my vault at Gringotts, how did you get it? Did you and your friends take it from my vault? Hermione Granger: I didn't take anything. Please. I didn't take anything. Bellatrix L...
Harry Potter: We have to go there, now. Hermione Granger: What? We can't do that! We've got to plan! We've got to figure it out... Harry Potter: Hermione! When have any of our plans ever actually worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose!
Dumbledore: A word of caution: dementors are vicious creatures. They will not distinguish between the one they hunt and the one who gets in their way. Therefore I must warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. It's not in the...
Hermione: This is a time turner, Harry. McGonagall gave it to me first term. This is how I've been getting to my lessons all year. Harry: You mean we've gone back in time? Hermione: Yes. Dumbledore obviously wanted us to return to this moment. Clearl...
Ron: Let me get this strait. Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban to come after you? Harry: Yeah. Hermione: But they'll catch Black, won't they? I mean, everyone's looking for him. Ron: Sure. Except no one's ever broken out of Azkaban before, and he...
Kevin McCallister: Santa, hold on. Can I talk to you for a second? Santa Claus: Yes, but make it quick. Santa's got a little get together he's late for. Kevin McCallister: Okay. I know you're not the real Santa Claus. Santa Claus: [his beard is pulle...
Tequila: What's with all these paper cranes? You bored? Maybe you feel lonely here? Alan: You know, I've always hated making cranes. I make one each time I kill somebody. How about it, shall I make you one? Tequila: No thanks. And if you'll get kille...
