Quotes of: Funny-things Keyword

I was not funny growing up.

Tim Meadows

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.

155 World's Funniest Yo Mama Dirty Jokes: Yo Mama Funny, Dirty, Filthy Joke Book For Adults - Uncensored edition

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

155 World's Funniest Yo Mama Dirty Jokes: Yo Mama Funny, Dirty, Filthy Joke Book For Adults - Uncensored edition

I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.

It's Kind of a Funny Story

Sometimes I just think depression's one way of coping with the world. Like, some people get drunk, some people do drugs, some people get depressed. Because there's so much stuff out there that you have to do something to deal with it.

It's Kind of a Funny Story

My bank must stop trying to sell me identity theft protection. You know why I expect you to protect my money? Because you're a .

The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass

I told Quynn that I'm in love with you." Her face gets real red. That damn cute red that drives me crazy. "Um, why would you do that?" I shake my head, smiling at her. "Cause its the truth, you dork.

Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend

Don Corleone: How's your boy? Michael: He's good. Don Corleone: You know, he looks more like you every day. Michael: He's smarter than I am. Three years old, and he can already read the funny papers. Don Corleone: [laughs] Read the funny papers...

The Godfather

Harry: Excuse me sir, can you tell me where I might find Platform Nine and Three-Quarters? Station Guard: Nine and Three-Quarters? Think you're being funny do ya? [muttering to himself] Station Guard: Nine and Three-Quarters!

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

I surrendered my identity in your eyes. Now I'm just like everybody else, and it's so funny, the way monogamy is funny, the way someone falling down in the street is funny. I entered a revolving door and emerged as a human being. When you think of me...

Jeffrey McDaniel

The funny thing about decisions based on signs or gut or visions is that they're usually nothing but noble outs. Just another way to sabotage yourself and keep your bigger life at bay.

Cat Daddy: What the World's Most Incorrigible Cat Taught Me About Life, Love, and Coming Clean

A human hires a hit man to kill his cousin for money, boring. That same hit man botches the job twice, funny. Then the desperate hit man sends a ghoul after the girl to finish things up, my curiosity's piqued. That same ghoul ends up with his head cu...

Death's Excellent Vacation

This funny thing happens when you graduate college. You hear so much about being an adult that you start to feel like you have to become a different person overnight, that growing up means being not you. And you concentrate so hard on living up to th...

Finding It

I might appear confident and chatty, but I spend most of my time laughing at jokes I don't find funny, saying things I don't really mean - because at the end of the day that's what we're all trying to do: fit in, one way or another, desperately tryin...

Forbidden

The big kid hasn't said anything yet. 'I do like hearing myself talk,' I say, 'only because I have a lot of neat things to say, but eventually the conversation will run out in, like, four or five years, and then where will we be?' Wonder of all wonde...

The Art of Breathing

She remembered the day vividly, for how can you forget the day your heart is broken? The funny thing about a broken heart is that it's not fatal. Though you wish in vain that it were, life continues on and you have no choice but to continue on with i...

Keeping Keller

We might laugh at the notion of plastic tea sets in the jungle, but it is a time-honored ritual for Western travelers to collect preindustrial artifacts to use as home decorations...Possession of primitive artifacts suggests worldly knowledge, just a...

Stranger in the Forest: On Foot Across Borneo

But the three hundred and sixty-five authors who try to write new fairy tales are very tiresome. They always begin with a little boy or girl who goes out and meets the fairies of polyanthuses and gardenias and apple blossoms: 'Flowers and fruits, and...

The Lilac Fairy Book

It's funny how sometimes you don't see the obvious things coming. You think you know what life has in store for you. You think you're prepared. You think you can handle it. And then-boom, like a thunderclap-something comes at you out of nowhere and c...

The Last Time We Say Goodbye

There are a lot of things animals do that we can't," she says, "like flying and camouflage, and we've adapted, through technology ... It's funny when people say something is natural, or not. Compared with what? Compared with when? It's this vanity of...

Like a Virgin: How Science Is Redesigning The Rules Of Sex

Such disappointments, betrayals and reconciliations were the stuff of married life, but she and Jack had gone through them before the wedding. Now, at least, she felt confident that she knew him. Nothing was likely to surprise her. It was a funny way...

The Pillars of the Earth