I've been funny my whole life. This is a gift God gave me.
I don't spend much time on Twitter. I joined because I found it funny.
It would be pretty funny to see a Beverly Hills white girl with mad rap skills.
It's funny - in elementary school, I went by Amber. I never liked Tiffani.
Memory is funny. Once you hit a vein the problem is not how to remember but how to control the flow.
I don't know if I was a funny kid. I would say I was a loud and weird kid.
I really think that sex always looks kind of funny in a movie.
With rap, it's a funny thing. You can say things, and people can take 'em the way they wanna take 'em.
After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore.
I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.
You think you're funny? I think I'm adorable.
Lester: If it bends, it's funny. If it breaks, it isn't.
Django: [while whipping Roger Brittle] Keep it funny!
Rani: Foreigners find Lajpat Nagar very funny!
teenagers are never joking. when seeking to prove a point, principals and teachers should remember that teenagers are never, ever sarcasic or ironic. if they say "I wish someone would drop a bomb on this school right now," that means they have arrang...
New Rule: Don't name your kid after a ballpark. Cubs fans Paul and Teri Fields have named their newborn son Wrigley. Wrigley Fields. A child is supposed to be an independent individual, not a means of touting your own personal hobbies. At least that'...
New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures of Britney Spears's vagina getting out of a car. Television has desensitizes us to violence, and porn has desensitize...
New Rule: If you're one of the one-in-three married women who say your pet is a better listener than your husband, you talk too much. And I have some bad news for you: Your dog's not listening, either; he's waiting for food to fall out of your mouth.
New Rule: The Napa Valley is Disneyland for alcoholics. Be honest, you're not visiting wineries in four days because you're an oenophile, you're doing it because you're a drunk. It's the only place in America where you can pass out in a stranger's ho...
New Rule: If we want to find a place to cut government waste, we must start with the DEA rubber duck. Yes, on the DEA's website you can buy a rubber ducky with a DEA badge and a cop's hat. Which I recommend doing, because they're a great place to hid...
Andrew Largeman: They sent me to boarding school because they thought I might be dangerous. [mocking Sam] Andrew Largeman: Oh, are you freaked out? You're like so freaked out. You're like running for the door. You can go, it's okay, don't feel bad. S...
