...avoid – like the measles – phony laughter. No, really. If you don’t find it to be funny, don't laugh. More evil and injustice has gotten a foothold in this world because of polite, counterfeit laughter – a desire to not “offend”, or to...
Funny how nobody talks on the tubes, isn't it? I rarely catch the tube myself, or lifts. Confined spaces, everybody shuts down. Why is that? Perhaps we think everybody on the tube is a potential psychopath or a drunk,so we close down and pretend to r...
Dr. Alan Grant: [Grant throws a branch at the inert perimeter fence] I guess that means the power's off. [Grant grabs the fence, pretending to be electrocuted and Lex and Tim scream] Lex: [Grant smiles at Lex and Tim] That's not funny. Tim: [laughing...
The Joker: It's a funny world we live in. Speaking of which, do you know how I got these scars? Batman: No! But I know how you got these! [fires gauntlet blades into Joker's face]
Detective Wuertz: Listen, Dent, I swear to God I didn't know what they were gonna do to you. Two-Face: That's funny... [pulls out coin] Two-Face: 'Cause I don't know what's gonna happen to you either.
Henry Barthes: Y'know it's funny, I spend a lot of time trying to not have to deal... to not really commit. I'm a substitute teacher, there's no real responsibility to teach. Your responsibility is to maintain order, make sure nobody kills anybody in...
Litmus: What's your name kid? Charley Butts: Charley Butts. Litmus: Charley's Butt? Hahahah, you got a pretty friggin' funny name kid. Charley Butts: Oh yeah? What's yours? Litmus: Al Capone.
Forrest Gump: Lieutenant Dan was always getting these funny feelings about a rock or a trail or the road, so he'd tell us to get down, shut up. Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: Get down! Shut up! Forrest Gump: So we did.
Wray: So what are you going to do now? Cherry: I'm going to be a stand-up comedian. Wray: You're not funny Cherry: That's what I keep trying to tell everybody but they all say I'm hilarious Wray: But you're not Cherry: There's a difference between be...
Laurie: [in the Wallace house, and noises are coming from upstairs] All right you meatheads, joke's over. [silence] Laurie: Come on, Annie. That's enough. [more silence] Laurie: It's most definitely stopped being funny, now cut it out! You'll be sorr...
Sloe: You got some id? Slevin: See, the funny thing about that is I got mugged this morning... Sloe: [interrupting] Look, look! Tell it to the one-legged man, so he can bump it off down the road. [Slevin gives a blank stare]
Christian: [singing] The courtesan and sitar man are pulled apart by an evil plan... Satine: [singing] but in the end she hears his song... Christian: [singing] and their love is just too strong. The Duke: [singing] It's a little bit funny, this feel...
Caine: Went into the store just to get a beer. Came out an accessory to murder and armed robbery. It's funny like that in the hood sometimes. You never knew what was gonna happen, or when. After that I knew it was gonna be a long summer.
Frank: You've made a big mistake, Morton. When you're not on that train, you look like a turtle out of its shell. Just funny. Poor cripple talking big so nobody'll know how scared you are.
Petey Jones: Hey, hey, Lastik man what happened to you? Louie Lastik: [holding back, in fake pain] Man I just gave your momma a piggy-back ride and she weighs twice as much as I do! Petey Jones: That ain't funny!
Colter Stevens: You seem concerned about the time. What are you late for? Max Denoff: I'm on my way to an asshole festival. I hear you're headlining. Colter Stevens: Oh, that's funny. What are you, a comedian? Christina Warren: Yeah. He is a comedian...
Johnny Cash: It's funny, you know, because I haven't talked about Jack in a long time. After he passed I talked about him all the time. But I guess people grew tired of it... so I just stopped.
President McKenna: What do you need, William? William Stryker: Just your authorization for a special operation. President McKenna: And somehow I thought you were here to talk about school reform. William Stryker: Funny you should say that, Mr. Presid...
Derek Vinyard: Every night, thousands of these parasites stream across the border like some fuckin' piñata exploded. [the skinheads laugh] Derek Vinyard: Don't laugh! There's nothin' funny goin' on here! [the skinheads immediately quiet down]
In this funny debut, flashy Filipino fashion designer Boy Hernandez sees his American dream become a nightmare when he’s ensnared in a terrorist plot and shipped to Guantanamo. Gilvarry nails the couture scene, but Boy’s rough journey from Manolo...
I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel...
