Wray: So what are you going to do now? Cherry: I'm going to be a stand-up comedian. Wray: You're not funny Cherry: That's what I keep trying to tell everybody but they all say I'm hilarious Wray: But you're not Cherry: There's a difference between be...
Laurie: [in the Wallace house, and noises are coming from upstairs] All right you meatheads, joke's over. [silence] Laurie: Come on, Annie. That's enough. [more silence] Laurie: It's most definitely stopped being funny, now cut it out! You'll be sorr...
Sloe: You got some id? Slevin: See, the funny thing about that is I got mugged this morning... Sloe: [interrupting] Look, look! Tell it to the one-legged man, so he can bump it off down the road. [Slevin gives a blank stare]
Christian: [singing] The courtesan and sitar man are pulled apart by an evil plan... Satine: [singing] but in the end she hears his song... Christian: [singing] and their love is just too strong. The Duke: [singing] It's a little bit funny, this feel...
Caine: Went into the store just to get a beer. Came out an accessory to murder and armed robbery. It's funny like that in the hood sometimes. You never knew what was gonna happen, or when. After that I knew it was gonna be a long summer.
Frank: You've made a big mistake, Morton. When you're not on that train, you look like a turtle out of its shell. Just funny. Poor cripple talking big so nobody'll know how scared you are.
Petey Jones: Hey, hey, Lastik man what happened to you? Louie Lastik: [holding back, in fake pain] Man I just gave your momma a piggy-back ride and she weighs twice as much as I do! Petey Jones: That ain't funny!
Colter Stevens: You seem concerned about the time. What are you late for? Max Denoff: I'm on my way to an asshole festival. I hear you're headlining. Colter Stevens: Oh, that's funny. What are you, a comedian? Christina Warren: Yeah. He is a comedian...
Johnny Cash: It's funny, you know, because I haven't talked about Jack in a long time. After he passed I talked about him all the time. But I guess people grew tired of it... so I just stopped.
President McKenna: What do you need, William? William Stryker: Just your authorization for a special operation. President McKenna: And somehow I thought you were here to talk about school reform. William Stryker: Funny you should say that, Mr. Presid...
Derek Vinyard: Every night, thousands of these parasites stream across the border like some fuckin' piñata exploded. [the skinheads laugh] Derek Vinyard: Don't laugh! There's nothin' funny goin' on here! [the skinheads immediately quiet down]
In this funny debut, flashy Filipino fashion designer Boy Hernandez sees his American dream become a nightmare when he’s ensnared in a terrorist plot and shipped to Guantanamo. Gilvarry nails the couture scene, but Boy’s rough journey from Manolo...
I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel...
A person who misses a chance and the monkey who misses its branch -- both cannot be saved.
There are four things every person has more of than they know; sins, debt, years, and foes.
It’s hard to feel supported when you can’t tell people everything. People haven’t really got a clue what it’s like. It’s hard to trust anyone. It’s hard to believe people won’t let you down. I’m feeling like I want to cry. My body fee...
Among all the modes by which love is brought into being, among all the agents which disseminate that blessed bane, there are few so efficacious as this gust of feverish agitation that sweeps over us from time to time. For then the die is cast, the pe...
To realize the value of 1 week, ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of 10 years, ask a newly divorced couple. To realize the value of 4 years, ask a graduate. To realize the value of 1 year, ask a student who has failed their fi...
In the modern industrialized Western world, where I come from, the person whom you choose to marry is perhaps the single most vivid representation of your own personality. Your spouse becomes the most gleaming possible mirror through which your emoti...
Those of us who have seen violent death up close, who have seen what high-powered bullets can do to living human tissue, have a horror of inflicting that nightmarish, never forgotten damage on a fellow human being. Perhaps the only more terrifying pr...
God has created each soul in God’s image, and every soul is inherently good. Just as certain conditions can cause mold to grow on food, so too do certain circumstances cause an un-spiritual mold to grow on a person’s soul. Before long, the mold h...
