I always wanted my kids to like me and think I was funny, so I made up this story about a kid named Jake and his racecar that he had built from scratch, fully loaded with whatever fantastical gadget he or I wanted him to have at the moment. I loved m...
It's funny: I always, as a high school teacher and particularly as a high school yearbook teacher, because yearbook staffs are 90 percent female, I got to sit in and overhear teenage girl talk for many years. I like teenage girls; I like their drama,...
I was also lucky to play for an owner, Bud Selig, who truly cared about his players. He'd call me into his office once in a while when he knew things weren't going so well. And it's funny. Every time I left there I always felt like something good was...
At this point, I've really failed at a lot of things. It's nice to be able to say that, in a way. I've failed at music. I've failed at dance. And acting - there have been times when I went out and read lines to audition for acting parts. I believe th...
I think that it's hard for vain people to be funny. I think you can look any way you want as long as you have a good sense of humor about yourself. People who are concerned with their looks and what they're wearing and how they present themselves ten...
I think Amy Poehler and Tina Fey have done so much for women in comedy in the sense that they've normalized it. You don't think, 'I'm going to watch that comedy starring a woman,' you think, 'I'm going to watch that funny show.' They refuse to play t...
I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not f...
I'd love to become like Bill Murray, who was so funny on 'Saturday Night Live' and has gone on to do some of the landmark comedies people like. And then to add this whole other phase to his career with 'Lost in Translation' and 'Rushmore.' I always f...
I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one ...
According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you're having your gangrenous leg sawed off, watching your home burn down or learning how to be intimate with your cellmate, but, in ...
...avoid – like the measles – phony laughter. No, really. If you don’t find it to be funny, don't laugh. More evil and injustice has gotten a foothold in this world because of polite, counterfeit laughter – a desire to not “offend”, or to...
Funny how nobody talks on the tubes, isn't it? I rarely catch the tube myself, or lifts. Confined spaces, everybody shuts down. Why is that? Perhaps we think everybody on the tube is a potential psychopath or a drunk,so we close down and pretend to r...
Dr. Alan Grant: [Grant throws a branch at the inert perimeter fence] I guess that means the power's off. [Grant grabs the fence, pretending to be electrocuted and Lex and Tim scream] Lex: [Grant smiles at Lex and Tim] That's not funny. Tim: [laughing...
The Joker: It's a funny world we live in. Speaking of which, do you know how I got these scars? Batman: No! But I know how you got these! [fires gauntlet blades into Joker's face]
Detective Wuertz: Listen, Dent, I swear to God I didn't know what they were gonna do to you. Two-Face: That's funny... [pulls out coin] Two-Face: 'Cause I don't know what's gonna happen to you either.
Henry Barthes: Y'know it's funny, I spend a lot of time trying to not have to deal... to not really commit. I'm a substitute teacher, there's no real responsibility to teach. Your responsibility is to maintain order, make sure nobody kills anybody in...
Litmus: What's your name kid? Charley Butts: Charley Butts. Litmus: Charley's Butt? Hahahah, you got a pretty friggin' funny name kid. Charley Butts: Oh yeah? What's yours? Litmus: Al Capone.
Forrest Gump: Lieutenant Dan was always getting these funny feelings about a rock or a trail or the road, so he'd tell us to get down, shut up. Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: Get down! Shut up! Forrest Gump: So we did.
Wray: So what are you going to do now? Cherry: I'm going to be a stand-up comedian. Wray: You're not funny Cherry: That's what I keep trying to tell everybody but they all say I'm hilarious Wray: But you're not Cherry: There's a difference between be...
Laurie: [in the Wallace house, and noises are coming from upstairs] All right you meatheads, joke's over. [silence] Laurie: Come on, Annie. That's enough. [more silence] Laurie: It's most definitely stopped being funny, now cut it out! You'll be sorr...
Sloe: You got some id? Slevin: See, the funny thing about that is I got mugged this morning... Sloe: [interrupting] Look, look! Tell it to the one-legged man, so he can bump it off down the road. [Slevin gives a blank stare]
