Quotes of: Funny-guy Keyword

What did you think of him?" Cade asked. "Give me some credit," Zach said. "Guy’s more full of shit than a duck pond.

Red, White, and Blood

What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I want to do something different, and make a difference in people’s lives. If everyone jumps off a bridge, I’ll be the guy who built that bridge.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I mean, scamming on guys on the Internet? I thought that was only for forty-year-old divorcees who Photoshop their pictures in an effort to appear younger and thinner.

Two-Way Street

You know, a cell phone's like a guy; if you don't plug him in every night, charge him good, you got nothing at all.

Tail Spin

Poor Chad. Not the country, but the guy. Oh, and the country’s poor too. I feel so bad for Chad. I also feel so bad for Chad.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m the sort of guy who will accept blame, if it means being singled out as honest and honorable, and there’s a chance I’ll be rewarded.

This Book Has No Title

I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria.

This Book Has No Title

When I find the guy who torched that forest, I'm going to eat him. And I'm only going to half-cook him first. -Sergeant Schlock

The Teraport Wars

His name is Christian,” he calls back. “Can you believe that? We came all this way so Clara could save a guy named Christian.” “I’m aware of the irony.

Unearthly

Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off.

The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide : Five Complete Novels and One Story

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? Tiny shouts in my ear, and I want to say, "Hopefully, go find a guy who knows there is no u in awesome

Will Grayson, Will Grayson

I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.

Write like no one is reading

Women who say that they have met the most amazing guy in the world are only saying that because they haven’t lived with them yet.

Write like no one is reading

...big, strapping macho guys were like liquid diets--they were great for emergencies, but she wouldn't want to be on one all the time.

Whole Lotta Trouble

It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, because anyone who knows you knows what a great guy you are on the inside. You're honest and true.

The Watchers

Can you break my five-dollar bill into five singles? Women love guys with lots of money.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I’ll sell you a whole half for half price, but that 50% price only has a half-life of a half a day. I’m only doing this because I’m a wholesome guy.

Xazaqazax

I melted in my defeat like Victory Ice Cream. I brought along an extra spoon for you, because I’m a sharing kind of guy.

Xazaqazax

Love is timeless, like a broken watch. I got it off a dead guy, because I figured if he didn’t need it in life, he certainly didn’t need it in death.

Xazaqazax

Some wise guys came by my business establishment and tried to offer me neighborhood protection. They weren’t mafia, but they were wearing togas.

A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom