Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
One picture is worth 1,000 denials.
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
Chris Elliott could read the phonebook and he's funny.
Thank God for the journey.
I truly believe that God provides.
I'm not an inspirational quote kind of person.
I'm usually just enjoying life.
I can't imagine a more ideal life.
I live a pretty anonymous life.
In this life, I'm always going to choose the positive.
I've made a life and career as a professional musician.
Life is nutty; anything can happen.
Married life is absolutely brilliant.
