I write weird stories. I don't know why I like weirdness so much. Myself, I'm a very realistic person. I don't trust anything New Age -- or reincarnation, dreams, Tarot, horoscopes. I don't trust anything like that at all. I wake up at 6 in the morni...
I wish they'd conduct a national poll to find out who feels out of place and who doesn't. Just to get the numbers, you know? To get a feel for how many of us there are. Sometimes at work I get the feeling that it's got to be right up against 100%. I�...
Roy Walker: What's that? Alexandria: Food. Roy Walker: Where'd you get it? Alexandria: The chapel. [feeds him a communion wafer] Roy Walker: I'm sorry I shouted at you. I was angry. Alexandria: No problem. Roy Walker: Are you trying to save my soul? ...
[Paulie enters the Corleones' study] Sonny: What is it? Clemenza: Hey, Paulie, I thought I told you to stay put. Paulie Gatto: The guy at the gate says there's a package. Sonny: Yeah? Hey, Tessio, go see what it is. Paulie Gatto: You want me to hang ...
[Inspecting Dana's refrigerator for paranormal activity] Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, my *God*. Look at all the junk food! Dana Barrett: Oh, no, Goddammit. None of this was here... Dr. Peter Venkman: You actually eat this? Dana Barrett: Look, this wasn't h...
The Bride: I was wondering, just between us girls, what did you say to Pai Mei for him to snatch out your eye? Elle Driver: [flashback showing Pai Mei snatching out Elle's eye] I called him a miserable old fool. The Bride: Ooh, bad idea. Elle Driver:...
Scar: [bellowing] Sarabiiiii! [echoes and reechoes; we soon see Sarabi walking through the pack of hyenas, trying to snap at her; Simba looks on as Sarabi approaches] Sarabi: Yes, Scar? Scar: Where is your hunting party? They're not doing their job. ...
Ernesto Guevara de la Serna: Mother. Mother Sister Alberto: Yes? Alberto Granado: We want to eat. Ernesto Guevara de la Serna: We deserve to eat like everyone else. Mother Sister Alberto: Yes, but you didn't go to mass. Ernesto Guevara de la Serna: N...
Mr. Hayes: All right, Billy. I know it sounds tought, but we are going to get you out! I promise you. I don't want you to get stupid and pull anything. They can play with your sentence. All right. Now, I'm putting 500 dollars in the bank. Anything yo...
Norma Bates: [voice-over] No! I tell you no! I won't have you bringing some young girl in for supper! By candlelight, I suppose, in the cheap, erotic fashion of young men with cheap, erotic minds! Norman Bates: [voice-over] Mother, please...! Norma B...
[Dragon looms above Donkey] Donkey: Oh, what large teeth you have! [Dragon roars] Donkey: I mean, white sparkly teeth! I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach or something 'cause that's one dazzling smile you go...
[Marwood knocks on the door of a farmhouse. An old woman with a clunky hearing aid pinned to her apron opens the door] Mrs. Parkin: What do you want? Marwood: I'm a friend of Montague Withnail's. He's lent us his cottage. I wondered if you could sell...
Carpe Diem By Edna Stewart Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman did it, why can't I? The words of Horace, his laconic phrase. Does it amuse me or frighten me? Does it rub salt in an old wound? Horace, Shakespeare, Robert Frost and Walt Whitman my ...
Dear Disney Cruise Line, I would very much like to go on one of your cruises, but I have certain accommodations that need to be made before I book my trip. I need a room large enough to comfortably fit a king-size bed, as well as a king (Juan Carlos ...
I'd always assumed Beth and I would be friends forever. But then in middle of the eighth grade, the Goldbergs went through the World's Nastiest Divorce. Beth went a little nuts. I don't blame her. When her dad got involved with this twenty-one year o...
I invited Intuition to stay in my house when my roommates went North. I warned her that I am territorial and I keep the herb jars in alphabetical order. Intuition confessed that she has a ‘spotty employment record.’ She was fired from her last jo...
Oh, but once my memories had pulsed with the blood-heat of life. In desperation, I forced myself to recall that once, I had walked with kings and conversed in languages never heard in this land. Once I had stood at the prow of a Sea Wolf ship and sai...
You digest and absorb your life by turning it into stories,' he says, 'the same way this theater seems to digest people.' With one hand, he points to a carpet stain, this dark stain sticky and growing mold, branched with arms and legs. Other events�...
There are all sorts of families," Tom's grandmother had remarked, and over the following few weeks Tom became part of the Casson family, as Micheal and Sarah and Derek-from-the-camp had done before him. He immediately discovered that being a member o...
His Majesty needs a can-I girl anyway. And I'm not it." "A can-I girl?" Andrea frowned. I leaned back. "'Can I fetch your food, Your Majesty? Can I tell you how strong and mighty you are, Your Majesty? Can I pick your fleas, Your Majesty? Can I kiss ...
If I could,” he went on, “I would remain like this indefinitely—clasped by you, held inside you, a part of you—without moving at all. When we make love, I fight climax with everything I have. I don’t want to come; I do not want it to end. N...
