I traveled the state of Florida for two years campaigning. I have never met a job creator who told me that they were waiting for the next tax increase before they started growing their business. I've never met a single job creator who's ever said to ...
When I walk up on that shore in Florida, I want millions of those AARP sisters and brothers to look at me and say, 'I'm going to go write that novel I thought it was too late to do. I'm going to go work in Africa on that farm that those people need h...
I think in the old days, the nexus of weirdness ran through Southern California, and to a degree New York City. I think it's changed so that every bizarre story in the country now has a Florida connection. I don't know why, except it must be some inv...
I went to UCF in Florida in Orlando. I went for advertising and public relations. I moved out to California my senior year because I knew I wanted to be an actor, but I also wanted to finish school and get my degree. I took mainly a bunch of criminal...
Dean Stanton: What did you do? John Coffey: I helped Del's mouse become a circus mouse. Gonna live in a mouse city. Down in... Brutus "Brutal" Howell: Florida? John Coffey: [John nods] Boss Percy bad. He mean. He stepped on Del's mouse. I took it bac...
Marlon: Where the hell's Fiji? Near Florida? Truman: [pointing to golf ball] See here? Marlon: Yeah. Truman: This is us... [guides finger halfway around ball] Truman: and all the way around here... FIJI. You can't get any further away before you star...
A brick could be used to separate two types of people. On the left is a guy who loves my writing, and on the right is a girl who loves my writing. Now I love both people, but I love the girl in an entirely different way—the kind of way that involve...
A brick could be used to stop time. I did it once at my uncle’s house, and I nearly wrecked the universe. He wanted to spank me, but decided not to, because he was afraid it would come off as pedophilia to all the viewers who were watching in mainl...
A blanket could be used to ward off warts. I tested it out last Tuesday on my Aunt Velma, and she doesn’t have a wart on her body. It’s probably true that she didn’t have a wart on her body before I began my experiment, but that’s just part o...
A blanket could be used to say hello to a man who’s not only tone deaf, but also regular deaf. Just wave the blanket up and down, and be advised: If that blanket is red, he’s liable to charge you like a bull. I’d charge you too, if only I had y...
A brick could be used as a cape, when I’m practicing my anti-superhero drills in Grandmother’s basement and defying her wishes to drink her “fresh” chicken noodle soup through a 20-foot straw that runs from the basement up to the attic, where...
A brick could be used to replace the brother you never had. Well, it’s only a possibility, but you probably won’t like it, because as soon as your parents gain another child, you’ll quickly find out that you were only their favorite child becau...
Bricks could be used to promote social progress. If we could amass enough bricks to build a prison big enough to cage every citizen, then everybody would be equal. And I think our current political leadership is savvy enough to see this, and is takin...
A blanket could be used to help you remember. You’re probably tempted to ask, “Remember what?” And that’s precisely my point—you can’t even remember what you can’t remember, and I’m here with a blanket to help. So scoot over and let m...
A brick could be used to help defeat all incumbent politicians whose last name starts with Brj and anything after that alphabetically. Since people tend to vote for the first one on the ballot, Brick would not only benefit from the stupidity of the c...
A blanket could be used to quell the rebellion. Wait until all the men are asleep before you kill them, rape them, and declare victory. Actually, it would be better to rape the men before you kill them, but do whatever makes you feel victorious.
Soon, challenges against the Post's ownership of two television stations in Florida were filed with the Federal Communications Commission. The price of Post stock on the American Exchange dropped by almost 50 percent. Among the challengers - forming ...
I like the idea of making some friends, of going to the same school for more than a few months, of maybe actually having a life. I started to do it in Florida. It was sort of great, and for the first time since we've been on Earth, I almost feel norm...
I want to have breasts the size of Florida, so that people might see me at Ponte Vedra beach and gasp, “Look at the size of his Naples!
This is not to be cocky, but, I go over real well at Comic-Con. I've done quite a few Comic-Cons, and I enjoy the hell out of them. They are so much fun, and so bizarre. I've done the FX Show in Florida, Wizard-World in Chicago, Comic-Con in San Dieg...
The sea answers all questions, and always in the same way; for when you read in the papers the interminable discussions and the bickering and the prognostications and the turmoil, the disagreements and the fateful decisions and agreements and the pla...
