God, the devil, and Orafoura were walking along a river one day when they came across three naked women splashing in the water. God turned to the other two and said, "Ten talents to the one who can get them fully clothed the fastest." The devil, alwa...
Those who spend the greater part of their time in reading or writing books are, of course, apt to take rather particular notice of accumulations of books when they come across them. They will not pass a stall, a shop, or even a bedroom-shelf without ...
J. E. Littlewood, a mathematician at Cambridge University, wrote about the law of truly large numbers in his 1986 book, "Littlewood's Miscellany." He said the average person is alert for about eight hours every day, and something happens to the avera...
Jim Garrison: All these documents are yours. The people's property, you pay for it! But because the government considers you children who might be too disturbed or distressed to face this reality, or because you might possibly lynch those involved, y...
Christine Collins: He's not my son. Capt. J.J. Jones: Mrs. Collins... Christine Collins: No, I don't know why he's saying that he is, but he's not Walter and there's been a mistake. Capt. J.J. Jones: I thought we agreed to give him time to adjust. Ch...
Phil: I think people place too much emphasis on their careers. I wish we could all live in the mountains at high altitude. That's where I see myself in five years. How about you? Rita: Oh, I agree. I just like to go with the flow. See where it leads ...
[gathering wood to shore up the tunnels, Hilts removes the wooden slats from bunk beds in the sleeping area of the prisoner barracks, holding a stack of them, and walks carefully out into the hallway] Cavendish: [passes Hilts in the hallway on his wa...
Javert: Now Prisoner 24601, your time is up and your parole's begun. You know what that means? Jean Valjean: Yes, it means I'm free. Javert: No. [hands him a yellow paper] Javert: Follow to the letter your itinerary, this badge of shame you wear unti...
Eliza Doolittle: [singing] I shall not feel alone without you, I can stand on my own without you. So go back in your shell, I can do bloody well without... Professor Henry Higgins: [singing] By George, I really did it, I did it, I did it! I said I'd ...
Trapper John: [after practicing golf shots on heli-pad with Hawkeye, a pilot along with Vollmer comes to talk to him] Lieutenant! You look terrible! Look at... Captain look at his eyes. Let me see your tongue. [inserts cigar as thermometer] Trapper J...
McMurphy: She was fifteen years old, going on thirty-five, Doc, and she told me she was eighteen, she was very willing, I practically had to take to sewing my pants shut. Between you and me, uh, she might have been fifteen, but when you get that litt...
Police Officer at Gluttony crime scene: Nothing's been touched. Everything's like I found it. William Somerset: What time was death established? Police Officer at Gluttony crime scene: Like I said, I didn't touch anything... but he's had his face in ...
[last lines] James T. Kirk: There will always be those who mean to do us harm. To stop them, we risk awakening the same evil within ourselves. Our first instinct is to seek revenge when those we love are taken from us. But that's not who we are... Wh...
Howard: Say, answer me this one, will you? Why is gold worth some twenty bucks an ounce? Flophouse Bum: I don't know. Because it's scarce. Howard: A thousand men, say, go searchin' for gold. After six months, one of them's lucky: one out of a thousan...
Kobayashi: Mr. Redfoot knew nothing. Mr. Soze rarely works with the same people for very long, and they never know who they're working for. One cannot be betrayed if one has no people. Fenster: So why are you telling us? Kobayashi: Because you have s...
Ben Wade: They're gonna kill you and your father, William. They're gonna laugh while they do it. I think you know that. William Evans: Call 'em off. Ben Wade: Why should I? William Evans: Because you're not all bad. Ben Wade: Yes, I am. William Evans...
I've taped a list to my bathroom mirror. It's my Most Violated List. . . Anger. I gave the finger to an ATM. You see, the ATM charged me a $1.75 fee for withdrawl. A dollar seventy-five? That's bananas. So I flipped off the screen. As Julie tells me,...
Disaster is rarely as pervasive as it seems from recorded accounts. The fact of being on the record makes it appear continuous and ubiquitous whereas it is more likely to have been sporadic both in time and place. Besides, persistence of the normal i...
The kiss wasn’t just any kiss. No, it was a tricky little bastard, because it started out soft and gentle, but shifted gears in a matter of seconds. The moment her response went from surprise to surrender, the kiss turned hard and hungry, launching...
If we had met five years ago, you wouldn't have found a more staunch defender of the newspaper industry than me ... I was winning awards, getting raises, lecturing college classes, appearing on TV shows, and judging journalism contests. So how could ...
Well, I've seen porn!" Evan defends and Dan just looks at him. "Okay, captain Pornie, walk me through it," Dan challenges. "I'll be the pizza guy, and Jeff can be the plumber. You can be... hey, why don't you be the high-powered young executive?" Eva...
