[the Fat Lady has finally let them into Gryffindor Tower; both Harry and Seamus are talking at the same time] Harry: She's still doing it, after three years, I mean... Seamus Finnegan: I can't believe she still does that... Harry, Seamus Finnegan: [...
Andy: You think I don't appreciate art? You think I don't understand fashion? You think I'm not hip? You think I'm pathetic? A nerd? A lard-ass fat-so? You think I'm shit? Well, you're wrong, 'cause i'm champagne, and you're shit. Until the day you d...
Michael: I want it to feed the birds. Mr. Dawes Sr.: Fiddlesticks, boy! Feed the birds and what have you got? Fat birds! But... [sings] Mr. Dawes Sr.: If you invest your tuppence wisely in the bank, safe and sound, soon that tuppence, safely invested...
[looking at the video of Sol and Vinny, trapped in the foyer of the bookie's by the security door] Brick Top: Do you know these tits, Errol? Errol: I know a lot of tits, Guv'nor. But I don't know any quite as fucking stupid as these two. Brick Top: J...
Heywood: [talking about Fat Ass] Hey Tyrell. You pulling infirmary duty this week? Tyrell: [nods] Yep. Heywood: How's that winning horse of mine doing? Tyrell: Dead. Hadley busted up his head pretty good. Doc went home for the night. Poor bastard lai...
Rooster Cogburn: [after singing for a long time] That was "Johnny in the Low Ground." There are very few fiddle tunes I have not heard. Once heard they are locked in my mind forever. It is a sadness to me that I have sausage fingers that cannot crowd...
Eden Brent: There you are. Mr. Purcell, you have been stealing our dog yummies and eating them. Warner Purcell: Absolutely not. That's an outrageous suggestion. Eden Brent: Then let me see in your pockets. Warner Purcell: Would I eat dog food? Eden B...
Ken: This morning, and this afternoon, we are doing what I want to do. Got it? Ray: Of course. Which, I presume, will involve culture. Ken: We shall strike a balance between culture and fun. Ray: Somehow I believe, Ken, that the balance shall tip in ...
My mother's death changed the alchemy of food. Holidays run together now like ungrooved rivers. I forget what they are for. I buy bakery goods. They look dead under the blue lights. I don't do anything the way she taught me but I get fat. I don't loo...
Our culture teaches that sex is for the sexy, and the only way to be sexy is to be pretty. No wait--that's still too weak. Sex should properly arise from sexiness. For unsexy people--fat people, old people, funny-looking people, disabled people--to e...
Lia let out a low growl and moved her arrow to the base of his fat throat. "What do you think, Gabi? Would you like to see these nuptials through?" "Not this day," I said "How about on the morrow?" Marcello asked, smiling and lifting my hand to his l...
I've put one foot before another and the years have passed, the time marked by late rent payments and the appearance of wrinkles - tiny ones, on the corners of my eyes. They are a reminder of my youth, and of the hourglass that we all live in, grains...
I am Envy, begotten of a chimney-sweeper and an oyster-wife. I cannot read, and therefore wish all books were burnt; I am lean with seeing others eat - O that there would come a famine through all the world, that all might die, and I live alone; then...
I want to hold onto this funny thing. God, it's gotten big on me. I don't know what it is. I'm so damned unhappy, I'm so mad, and I don't know why. I feel like I'm putting on weight. I feel fat. I feel like I'm saving a lot of things, and I don't kno...
Dear Uncle Bernard - Your niece Frances - a four-eyed, French-plaited platypus awaiting the evaporation of h baby fat - thanks you very much for the romantic advice. But I've never been one to spend time thinking about why men and women take to each ...
Adult obesity and overweight statistics have increased by about 50 percent since the Dietary Goals were announced. [by the federal government, in 1977] That bears repeating: a 50 percent increase in obesity/overweight correlated with a 10 percent dec...
Remember I told you I’ve taken a vow of chastity. You understand what that means, right? Yeah,” he said. “You’re very generous. I think that’s cool.” I didn’t quite get his answer, but I didn’t want to prolong the conversation. [...] ...
Part of me just wants to force-feed these women some spoonfuls of fatty pâté. But another part of me is dying to know their secrets. Having kids who sleep well, wait and don’t whine surely helps them stay so calm. But there’s got to be more to ...
Can I see some ID?" "WE DON'T HAVE ID," said Jay, loudly. "'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. WE DON'T USE ID...THERE. AND THAT'S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN." Doug stiffened. Jay sounded crazy. Doug tried looking extra sane to even things out.
Though she’d begun to get a bit fat that winter, it was in February, around when her father found a toy poodle (sitting there, in the side yard, watchful and waiting as a person), and adopted it, that a weightlessness entered into Chelsea’s blood...
My dad win, I silently countered, even as I smiled sweetly. I couldn’t wait to spike the ball right through her block, no matter how tall she was. In health class we’d learned that if Barbie were human, she’d be six feet tall and weigh one hund...
