After a stressful event, we often crave comfort food. Our body is calling for more glucose and simple carbohydrates and fat... And in modern life, people tend to have fewer friends and less support, because there's no tribe. Being alone is not good f...
There was a time—until very recently in the scheme of things—when there were no wild animals, because every animal was wild; and humans were few. Animals, and animal presence over us and around us. Over every horizon, animals. Their skins clothin...
With the Book hitching rides, hiding on people, guess we’re all going to be dressing like skanks for a while, huh? Skintight or skin. Dude, everybody’s everything’s gonna be hanging out, and some o’ those fat chicks at the abbey are gonna gro...
Rained gently last night, just enough to wash the town clean, and then today a clean crisp fat spring day, the air redolent, the kind of green minty succulent air you'd bottle if you could and snort greedily on bleak, wet January evenings when the st...
The fatted calf, the best Scotch, the hoedown could all have been his too, any time he asked for them except that he never thought to ask for them because he was too busy trying cheerlessly and religiously to earn them.
Baseball has traditionally possessed a wonderful lack of seriousness. The game's best player, Babe Ruth, was a Rabelaisian fat man, and its most loved manager, Casey Stengel, spoke gibberish. In this lazy sport, only the pitcher pours sweat. Then he ...
When I was growing up, if there was a Young Adult section of my town's library, I missed it. I wandered right from 'The Babysitter's Club' over to Stephen King. His books were big and fat and they seemed important. I eventually worked my way through ...
Because you're fat, you feel that everybody's watching every bite you take. So, you closet-eat, and you think because nobody sees you eating, then you're not eating. You know, if you're eating a Big Mac in a closed car, can anybody hear you nosh? If ...
I was 17 when my body started changing, and I worried about what I did wrong. I went through a period where I didn't eat at all. I also had someone who was encouraging me to take diet pills. I pushed myself to the extreme because I woke up one day an...
What happened to me is I gained a little weight so I could be more accessible to people. They're not like, 'Oh my God, he's, like, a male model comedian; yuck, ugh.' It's like, 'Oh, he's a little squishy; He's like me. He's accessible.' And girls are...
It's not about being thin, it's about being healthy. And when you are a child you like to eat all these unhealthy things like chocolate and sweets. Oh my God. I love strawberries dipped in chocolate and Lion bars and Toffee Crisps - and as you grow u...
Toffee Crisp was my downfall. I once ate five at a sitting. Do you really need that third helping, Harry? My parents didn't overfeed me, nor did they make an issue of it. That's when things go wrong. It doesn't have to be a problem for children to be...
When I was ten years old, I saw a big, fat beetle get squished. I don't recall the circumstances, but that's not important. It's the result that stuck with me. The beetle's thick, viscous insides so closely resembled a crushed blueberry that, to this...
Gru: [in falsetto] It is I, Gru- [pauses] Gru: zinkerbell, the most magical faerie princess of all! Young Boy: [interrupts] How come you're so fat? Gru: [annoyed] Because my house is made out of candy, and sometimes, [while hitting boy with wand] Gru...
Forrest Gump: One day it started raining, and it didn't quit for four months. We been through every kind of rain there is. Little bitty stingin' rain... and big ol' fat rain. Rain that flew in sideways. And sometimes rain even seemed to come straight...
Officer Foltz: [giving kids a tour of the station] See kids, this is where we bring suspects in order to be detained. Trust me, you do not want to be sitting in these seats. We call this place "Loserville". [shows Alan, Phil, and Stu, a fat kid comes...
Max Denoff: [telling a joke to the train passengers] Woman always mess up my last name. I was with a girl the other night and she kept calling me "Getoff." She was like, "Getoff! Getoff!" I'm like, "No, it's Denoff. Denoff." She says, "No, you're fat...
June Carter: [after an argument] You are not allowed to speak to me. After that stunt you pulled on the bus, the only place you are allowed to speak to me is on stage. Do you understand? Johnny Cash: What'd I do? June Carter: Gee, I don't know. Why d...
So every dollar spent on finding some gene or hormone to explain why becoming fat is not because of sugary drinks, fried foods or unchecked gluttony is a dollar spent on getting food for the hungry, vaccines for babies, shelter for the homeless. But ...
Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My girlfriend and I got a dog. We are going to see if we can handle that before we have kids." This is a little like testing the waters of being a vegetarian by having ...
I feel guilty when I feed them unhealthy food they like. I feel guilty when I feed them healthy food they don’t like. I feel guilty when I drop them off at school. I feel guilty when I pick them up at school. I feel guilty mostly for writing this b...
