Can I see some ID?" "WE DON'T HAVE ID," said Jay, loudly. "'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. WE DON'T USE ID...THERE. AND THAT'S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN." Doug stiffened. Jay sounded crazy. Doug tried looking extra sane to even things out.
Ariel sighed. “How are you not self-conscious about that?” Kitty chuckled. “Hey, I got used to it in a hurry, and I kind of like the side perks. I always wanted to … y’know, be superhuman, do some of the things I’ve been able to do with t...
I don't know. This college would probably have the same problem the last one did." I frowned. "What's that?" "Homework." "Adrian," growled his father. "It's okay," said Adrian breezily. He rested his arm casually on the table. "I don't really need a ...
Where is the pizza I ordered 33 minutes ago? I specifically called for pizza to be delivered. The pizza’s missing, and so is the delivery guy. I hope nobody finds his body in the woods, naked, with extra pepperoni covering his nipples.
That was the only reason I let her stay extra time at the park the next day. We were not waiting for anyone in particular to show up or hoping for anyone in particular to show up. I mean, she’s a . She didn’t care if she was wrestling a stick fro...
Where are you going to put the other one?” asked Daniella. “Wherever you like,” said Ms. Terwilliger. “I can’t take him with me. The guards saw me come in with one cat. They’ll see me leave with one.” “What?” My mother-in-law’s vo...
I can't believe it. He is sporting a bona fide erection in the middle of class. All because of me. In history you learn about entire kingdoms crumbling into chaos because of a woman—or, in some cases, multiple women. I smile at Professor Delacroix,...
Susan hardly had begun to slow down when Tera appeared from between a couple of buildings and loped over to the car. I leaned forward, opened the door, and she got into the backseat. I threw her the extra clothes I had picked up, and she began to dre...
Heroes are important. Heroes tell us who we want to be but when they made this particular hero they didn’t give him a gun, they gave him a screwdriver to fix things. They didn’t give him a tank or a warship or an X-Wing, they gave him a call box ...
I had wanted to hate you that day. Believe me, I had. And then suddenly, staring at me incredulously, your extra half-tooth had blurted out aloud, ‘You get dimples on both cheeks!’ your immaculate lisp intact, on both the ‘s’es. I remember th...
Dismissed like a dog. Damon groped for his jacket behind him, found it, and wished that his groping for his sense of humor could be as successful. The faces around him were all the same. They could have been carved in stone. But not stone as hard as ...
I don’t know what you’re talking about, but any organization that claims you for a member doesn’t get to call itself sinister, whether you’re left-handed or not. I would be insulted to be offered membership in such a namby-pamby organization....
Michael: Did you explain school to him? Elliot: How do you explain school to higher intelligence? Michael: Maybe he's not that smart. Maybe he's like a worker bee who only knows how to push buttons or something. Elliot: [knowingly] He is too smart. M...
Michael: [walks in Elliot's room and sees E.T. in a dress; he chuckles] What's all this shit? E.T.: E.T. phone home. Michael: [astonished] My God, he's talking now. E.T.: Home. Elliot: E.T. phone home? E.T.: [points to window] E.T. phone home. Elliot...
Kermit the Frog: If you please Mr. Scrooge, it's gotten colder, and the bookkeeping staff would like an extra shovel full of coal for the fire? Rat #1: We can't do the bookkeeping, all our pens have turned to inkcicles! Rat #2: Our assets are frozen!...
Capt. Jack Aubrey: Killick, an extra ration of rum for these men. Joseph Nagle, Carpenter's Mate: Thank you very much, sir. William Warley, Cpt. of Mizzentop: Thank you, sir. Preserved Killick, Captain's Steward: Which I was savin' for Salutin' Day, ...
Del: You play with your balls a lot. Neal: I do NOT play with my balls. Del: Larry Bird doesn't do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour! Neal: Are you trying to start a fight? Del: No. I'm simply stating a fact. That's all. You fid...
The things that don't happen to us that we'll never know didn't happen to us. The nonstories. The extra minute to find the briefcase that makes you late to the spot where a tractor trailer mauled another car instead of yours. The woman you didn't mee...
Once Seung Sahn Soen-sa and a student of his attended a talk at a Zen center in California. The Dharma teacher spoke about Bodhidharma. After the talk, someone asked him "What's the difference between Bodhidharma's sitting in Sorim for nine years and...
Miles just smiled and felt her love flow around his own. Yet inside his love was a rock, and it had the words “payback is sweet” written in large letters on it. He laughed and she looked up at him and saw the hard glint in his eyes. “Uh oh!” ...
[Ryan meets Alex Goran for the first time at a bar] Ryan Bingham: Are you satisfied with Maestro? Alex Goran: Yeah, I am. Ryan Bingham: A little stingy with their miles. I like Hertz. Alex Goran: No, Hertz keeps its vehicles too long. If a car has ov...
