I did the only thing I could. I said the dumbest thing any man has ever said to a woman, “Yeah, it’s just me and my trash can here,” as I patted its lid and started pushing it up the driveway.
You can’t become a famous garage band if you never perform outside your garage. That’s why my band plays in my driveway.
You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as l...
It's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my pa...
There are random moments - tossing a salad, coming up the driveway to the house, ironing the seams flat on a quilt square, standing at the kitchen window and looking out at the delphiniums, hearing a burst of laughter from one of my children's rooms ...
I’m pregnant.” Brent dropped his bag on the driveway. “What?” “I’m pregnant and you almost got blown up, you ass,” Hayden said shakily. “I’m never speaking to you again.” He went toward her slowly, laying a reverent hand on her be...
a) he's late. b) he's acting like an asshole and blowing me off. c)he's gotten into a horrible car crash that's left dead. The most likely answer is A. (We went to prom together, and the limo had to wait in his driveway for half an hour. At the end o...
In my 30s, I wrote in the back house of a ramshackle Spanish Revival we rented across from the ocean in the Santa Monica Canyon. I wrote thousands of pages there, but in order to see another adult human being, I had to steal out through the brambly s...
Bruce Wayne: I need a new suit. Lucius Fox: Yeah, three buttons is a little '90's, Mr. Wayne. Bruce Wayne: I'm not talking fashion, Mr. Fox, so much as function. [hands him a diagram] Lucius Fox: You want to be able to turn your head. Bruce Wayne: Su...
Charlie: Now casinos have house rules: they don't like to lose. So you never show that you're counting cards. That is *the* cardinal sin, Ray. Raymond: Counting cards is bad. Charlie: Yes. Raymond: I like to drive slow on the driveway. Charlie: If yo...
Before I could respond, I looked out the window again and as if in response to my thoughts, I saw Cooper walking up my driveway. My jaw dropped. I peeked around the kitchen doorframe. Mom was still lost to the television. I turned and looked out the ...
My new apartment might be a place where there are lots of children. They might gather on my porch to play, and when I step out for groceries, they will ask me, "Hi, do you have any kids?" and then, "Why not, don't you like kids?" "I like kids," I wil...
Your brother's car has been found," he told Jay Marriot. "It's on a little road almost directly across from Sookie's driveway." ... Eric had told me that that little road, a dirt track leading back to a deer camp, was where Debbie Pelt had hidden her...
Raymond: I'm an excellent driver. Charlie: When did you drive? Raymond: I drove slow on the driveway when my dad came to Walbrook. Charlie: Was Dad in the car? Raymond: Yeah. Charlie: I'll have to let you drive sometime. [Raymond grabs the wheel and ...
If I show up at your house ten years from now and find nothing in your living room but The Readers Digest, nothing on your bedroom night table but the newest Dan Brown novel, and nothing in your bathroom but Jokes for the John, I’ll chase you down ...
[Shaun and Ed pull up to Barbara's house and sees Philip's Jaguar in the driveway] Ed: Oh! Hello! Who's a pretty boy, then? [wolf whistle] Ed: You didn't tell me Barbara had a Jag. I've always wanted to drive one of those. Shaun: Yeah, well, it's Phi...
Ellen: What are you looking at? Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer... [Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toil...
Clark: So, when did you get the tenament on wheels? Eddie: Oh, that uh, that there's an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it? Clark: Yeah, it looks so nice parked in...
If all goes well, we will be back in time for a proper memorial service [for your father], Ben. I promise." Ben looked up, and all the bitterness was gone from his eyes, replaced somehow by both resignation and determination. "And if all doesn't go w...
I devised a test. I turned off the TV and instantly the snoring stopped. She began to move. When I felt her eyes about to open, I turned the TV back on and back to sleep she went. Then I'd turn it off and on - sometimes for millisecond - and she neve...
Temporary Insanity had come a-knocking and I had shouted "Come on in the door is open." Luckily, Reality had come unexpectedly and found Temporary Insanity roaming the corridors of my mind unchecked, going into rooms, opening cupboards, reading my le...
