I had a dream about you. You were a soldier, and I was a war. You thought I was all there was to life, and I didn’t think anything about you. Why would I? I exist to end existence, and yet people still seem to glorify me.
I had a dream about you. Time didn’t exist for us. We were like two people who were in love who were always late. But we didn’t care, because where there is no time there is no money, and we were content to beg for food from people dressed like p...
I had a dream about you. We were standing next to each other, and a stranger asked for the time. My watch said 3:32, and yours said 3:33. I got concerned because somewhere I’d lost a minute, so you and I spent two minutes looking for it.
I had a dream about you. You were a statistician, and you were tasked with eliminating unemployment. I thought only job creators—entrepreneurs—reduced unemployment, and you thought I was naïve because everybody believed jobs were created if the ...
I had a dream about you. It was raining Friday nights, and my umbrella wasn’t big enough to stop us both from being saturated with Saturdays, so me being the gentleman I am, I graciously offered to soak up all the weekends, leaving you dry like the...
I had a dream about you. We drank coffee with straws and laughed. We ate soup with straws and laughed. Then I nasally and noisily inhaled your giggles with a straw, like cocaine, and I laughed, but you didn’t, because I’d just snorted your joy.
I had a dream about you. I was a mannequin with a record player for a head, and you were an aspiring DJ. You lusted after me and I was appreciative, because you were the first person who wanted me for what’s going on in my head, and not because I h...
I had a dream about you. I asked you to move to Ocala, and you suggested moving Ocala to where you are. I thought this was a sensible plan, so I bought cardboard boxes and shovels, to loose all the real estate we were going to have to pack up.
I had a dream about you. I was a chef and you were a buffet. The people were starving, children were dying of malnutrition, and all the politicians tried feeding them rhetoric. I suggested we save the planet, and you agreed, at least until you realiz...
I had a dream about you. Dinner for two was meant to be romantic, and that’s why I made enough food for three people. You got angry and refused to join us for dinner, so I ended up eating alone, with one other woman there to accompany me.
I had a dream about you. You were a well-read dentist, and I was a wisdom tooth. We argued over who was the better lover, and I decided to put it to a vote. Nine out of ten dentists recommended me as the better lover, probably due in no small part to...
I had a dream about you. You were a salesman trying to sell me clothes. I thought you were a genius, because you were naked. I tried to buy some sex, but you said you were all sold out of that. So I bought it off Amazon.com instead.
I had a dream about you. You were naked, alone, and a mannequin, and I was a tailor named Taylor. You fell in love with me, even though you knew I only wanted you for your body. And I think you should know, the sex was amazing.
I had a dream about you. You had a gun to my head, figuratively speaking. In a literal sense you were holding a needle to my temple, because I was Mr. Bubblegumhead. I just wanted you to love me for me, and not because my face was chewy and sweet.
I had a dream about you. I was tall in years but short in inches. I was 75 years old and 31 inches tall, which is the reverse of what I am in real life. Still, I have to say I enjoyed the ability to look under women’s skirts without having to bend ...
I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the stool and threw myself on the sword. It was the least I could do to protest capital punishment.
I had a dream about you. You were Ginger Rogers, and you were trying to teach me to dance, even though my movements were as stiff as a mannequin. I think you tolerated my abysmal rhythm because I was naked, and my body was so sexy it could be used to...
I had a dream about you. You took control of my body and forced me to have sex with you. Then you called the cops, and the police said I raped you—but I was the one who was raped. If I had known you were that kind of person, I’d have never voted ...
I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn’t figured out how to put the fly in flight. One day you broke down, and then you saw that you ...
I had a dream about you. We went for a ride—you on all fours, and me on your back, and you didn’t like it when I kept calling you “donkey face.” I was shocked, and I said, “You should be flattered that I think you look like Miley Cyrus.”�...
I had a dream about you. We were in a canoe, and we were paddling across the desert. You said you were thirsty, and I pointed to the sand that surrounded us and said, “No, I will not urinate in your mouth.” At that point I woke up, because I real...
