I had a dream about you. We were business partners. We had a pizza parlor/urinal repair shop, and to our great surprise we had no customers. Some businesses fail because they’re simply ahead of their time.
I had a dream about you. We were shoveling dollar bills and used diapers and laughing like children. I was dancing like I had a fog machine in my pants, and I did, which is my moves were so mysterious.
I had a dream about you. You wanted to go shopping for shoes, and I suggested we go to the bowling alley. Where else can you go to rent such stylish shoes and have a FREE game of bowling thrown in?
I had a dream about you. You were hungry, so I made you a binocular sandwich, which is peeping power between two slices of bread. You were a hungry pervert, so I thought it perfect.
I had a dream about you. We were trying to climb a mountain, and I kept pushing you to keep going. I felt like the greatest motivational mentor who’s ever tried to climb Mt. Everest piggyback style.
I had a dream about you. You were playing the guitar like it was a piano, and I was impressed with my deafness. You played awfully, but all I could hear was I love you.
I had a dream about you. We met where most lovers meet—in prison. You were a guard, and I was in solitary confinement. The politicians felt the bars protected society from me, but I felt the bars protected me from them.
I had a dream about you. I was a melted ice-cream repairman, and you had a microwave for a head. You made fun of my trade, so I made you eat tinfoil until your head exploded.
I had a dream about you. I said, “The sex train leaves in three minutes and lasts for three minutes. Hop on!” You replied, “No thanks. I think I’ll catch a cab.” Well, you did catch a cab, and then you caught syphilis.
I had a dream about you trying to parallel park your ego between two modest cars. The ego wouldn't fit, and those guys weren't putting up a fight, so let’s just say you made it work.
I had a dream about you. You were a florist, and I was a floorist. You thought you were more romantic than me, but I knew all the barefoot women in the Nicholas Sparks fan club would disagree.
I had a dream about you. You started following me on Twitter, and then you started following me around town. I wouldn’t mind so much of you would start throwing your hashtags away, rather than tossing them into the street.
I had a dream about you. We were debating the nature of love, and you said it was invisible, and I said it was the color of gold. You accused me of being a banker, and I accosted you for it. Nobody calls me a banker and lives to tell about it.
I had a dream about you. We were laying down asphalt, and you said we were building a future together. Then I watched as a chicken crossed over our work, and I said, “No, we are building a joke.”
I had a dream about you. We were racing to be the slowest person on earth. You were winning, which meant you were losing. You were gloating because you were a winner, and I was taunting because you were a loser.
I had a dream about you. You wanted to be like Amelia Earhart, and I took you to mean you were trying to find yourself. Then I understood what you were telling me, and I sold you an invisible airplane.
I had a dream I was in an old woman's closet peeing on a giant shoe. Sorry grandma I thought it was the bathroom. I hate vacations where someone carries you out of the car and puts you in a bed that smells like mothballs.
I had a dream about you. We watched the sunset together like a couple of perverts in a peep show. I really liked your idea of cutting a hole in a sheet of plywood, because it made the whole experience more erotic.
I had a dream about you. You were learning how to swim, and I was learning how to drown. We each studied the other’s technique. Swimming and drowning and both of us doing both taught us a lot about love.
I had a dream I bought a popcorn maker that would pop pennies into cornuts, so I bought stock in corn wow was I nuts. That's what my therapist said. He is just plain nuts and they are not salty at all. Lies!
I had a dream about you. We walked along the beach like two lovers in motorized wheelchairs. You said, “Isn’t this romantic?” and I replied, “Nothing is more romantic than being able to park in a handicapped spot.”
