I had a dream about you. No words were exchanged, but we spoke with our eyes. My eyes said, “I love you,” while your eyes told me, “I’m asleep.” You always were more romantic than me.
I had a dream about you. You fell into my arms like a 120-pound sack of gold coins. So I did what any respectable lover would do—I buried you in the backyard so nobody could steal you away from me.
I had a dream about you. We were both surrounded by poor people, but there was one big difference—I was poor, but you were rich. That’s why I was shocked when you tried to rob me. After all, I was one of many who voted you into power.
I had a dream about you. You wrapped the American flag around you like a towel, while I let Russia shower me with praise. The people over there really seemed to love me, probably because they are over there and I am not.
I had a dream about you. I should have waited until you were finished eating to tell you I love you, because you vomited all over my tablecloth. But that’s OK, because it was multi-colored and brown and green.
I had a dream about you. You looked like Hulk Hogan’s nose, and your legs looked like his mustache. I admired them and wondered how many squats you could do. Your mustache could probably run a marathon, while my mustache looks like a ghost.
I had a dream about you. We lived in an environmentally friendly future where nobody drove cars. Everybody rode roller coasters to wherever they needed to go. Well, everybody but midgets, who were kept in cages because they were too short to go anywh...
I had a dream about you. You were a soldier, and I was a war. You thought I was all there was to life, and I didn’t think anything about you. Why would I? I exist to end existence, and yet people still seem to glorify me.
I had a dream about you. Time didn’t exist for us. We were like two people who were in love who were always late. But we didn’t care, because where there is no time there is no money, and we were content to beg for food from people dressed like p...
I had a dream about you. We were standing next to each other, and a stranger asked for the time. My watch said 3:32, and yours said 3:33. I got concerned because somewhere I’d lost a minute, so you and I spent two minutes looking for it.
I had a dream about you. You were a statistician, and you were tasked with eliminating unemployment. I thought only job creators—entrepreneurs—reduced unemployment, and you thought I was naïve because everybody believed jobs were created if the ...
I had a dream about you. It was raining Friday nights, and my umbrella wasn’t big enough to stop us both from being saturated with Saturdays, so me being the gentleman I am, I graciously offered to soak up all the weekends, leaving you dry like the...
I had a dream about you. We drank coffee with straws and laughed. We ate soup with straws and laughed. Then I nasally and noisily inhaled your giggles with a straw, like cocaine, and I laughed, but you didn’t, because I’d just snorted your joy.
I had a dream about you. I was a mannequin with a record player for a head, and you were an aspiring DJ. You lusted after me and I was appreciative, because you were the first person who wanted me for what’s going on in my head, and not because I h...
I had a dream about you. I asked you to move to Ocala, and you suggested moving Ocala to where you are. I thought this was a sensible plan, so I bought cardboard boxes and shovels, to loose all the real estate we were going to have to pack up.
I had a dream about you. Dinner for two was meant to be romantic, and that’s why I made enough food for three people. You got angry and refused to join us for dinner, so I ended up eating alone, with one other woman there to accompany me.
I had a dream about you. You were a well-read dentist, and I was a wisdom tooth. We argued over who was the better lover, and I decided to put it to a vote. Nine out of ten dentists recommended me as the better lover, probably due in no small part to...
I had a dream about you. You were a salesman trying to sell me clothes. I thought you were a genius, because you were naked. I tried to buy some sex, but you said you were all sold out of that. So I bought it off Amazon.com instead.
I had a dream about you. You were naked, alone, and a mannequin, and I was a tailor named Taylor. You fell in love with me, even though you knew I only wanted you for your body. And I think you should know, the sex was amazing.
I had a dream about you. You had a gun to my head, figuratively speaking. In a literal sense you were holding a needle to my temple, because I was Mr. Bubblegumhead. I just wanted you to love me for me, and not because my face was chewy and sweet.
I had a dream about you. I was tall in years but short in inches. I was 75 years old and 31 inches tall, which is the reverse of what I am in real life. Still, I have to say I enjoyed the ability to look under women’s skirts without having to bend ...
