I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents.
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.
If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify.
British politics, as the world knows, is a joke. Yet it's rarely funny.
The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy.
I've met a lot of jazz musicians in my day, and they're all funny.
The only guaranteed way to make something not very funny is to make it vague.
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
An honest man's the noblest work of God.
A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.
Life is God's novel. Let him write it.
Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
