Ralphie as Adult: [narrating, after BB gun shot bounces off target and hits his face] Oh my god, I shot my eye out!
Santa Claus: If Higbee thinks I'm working one minute past 9:00, he can kiss my foot. Ho ho ho.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Grover Dill! Farkus's crummy little toadie. Mean! Rotten! His lips curled over his green teeth.
Mr. Parker: [Reading Telegram and doing a little jig] Tonight! Tonight! It's coming Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Hot Damn, Tonight!
Ralphie as Adult: [chuckling] Ho, ho, but no matter. Christmas was on its way. Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas, upon which the entire kid year revolved.
Goggles: I like Santa. Ralphie: Yeah. Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Let's face it, most of us are scoffers. But moments before zero hour, it did not pay to take chances.
Ralphie as Adult: My father's spare tires were only tires on the academic sense. They were round,and had once been made of rubber.
Mr. Parker: [Going inside the house after the Bumpus hounds devoured the Christmas turkey] All right! Everybody upstairs! Get dressed! We are going out... to eat!
Gandhi: You intend to walk all the way? Vince Walker: It's the only way I can get the story. Besides, my name *is* Walker.
Hamlet: If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart, absent thee from felicity awhile and in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain to tell my story.
Ex-Leper: Half a dinare for me bloody life story? Brian: There's no pleasing some people. Ex-Leper: That's just what Jesus said, sir.
Mr. Goodkat: Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest in Monte Carlo and came in third; that's a story.
Gonzo: Hello! Welcome to the Muppet Christmas Carol! I am here to tell the story. Rizzo the Rat: And I am here for the food.
[Jordan finishes a story of a recent kidnapping] Samuel: So what happened? Jordan: Family paid the ransom. And they sent the kid home after a couple of days... minus an ear, of course.
Suzy: These are my books. I like stories with magic powers in them. Either in kingdoms on Earth or on foreign planets. Usually I prefer a girl hero, but not always.
Engywook: My name is Engywook - and she's Urgl. Ever heard of me? Atreyu: I don't think so. Engywook: You don't move in scientific circles.
Atreyu: If you don't tell me, and the Nothing keeps coming, you will die too, both of you! Morla, the Ancient One: Die? Now that, at least, would be *something*.
The Southern Oracle: If you want to save our world, you must hurry. We don't know how much longer we can withstand the nothing.
Andrew Beckett: That's their story. Wanna hear mine? Joe Miller: How many lawyers did you go to before me? Andrew Beckett: Nine. Joe Miller: Go on.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie: Oh it's all right Tracy. We all go haywire at times and if we don't, maybe we ought to.
