The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to validate my disbelief in Bigfoot.
It’s hard to type with gloves on. It’s also hard to type with just an erection. It’s basically like typing with one finger, and in my case, a pinky.
The future seems so crowded to me. All I see is me, me, me, me, me and a million other clones of myself.
A feather taped to a vibrator is a tickling machine to induce hunger, and NOT a sex toy. So you won’t have to ask if you see it in my fridge.
My clones better not wear invisible cloaks. How am I supposed to find myself as a person if I can’t even find my clones?
The US is at a point where just when the people imagine things can’t get any worse, they realize their imaginations weren’t big enough.
If I had a clone, he’d better be my equal, and not my better. Can you imagine how I’d feel being jealous of myself?
My love is like one of those wooden Russian nesting dolls (matryoshka doll). I know, because your heart fits perfectly inside mine.
I want to wow you with my loudness. I wish I could turn down your job offer, because it’s hurting my ears.
I submitted a poem last night to The New Yorker. They said it can take up to three months to hear back. I got rejected immediately.
Love is like Atlantis, OK? And I’m just a humble scuba diver searching for treasure that I can exchange for sexual favors.
My advice is to write in the nude. Unless you do your writing in a public restroom, and in that case, I’d recommend wearing flip flops.
I guess law was always interesting to me because you deal with constants. I like to deal with constants, abstracts, constants and reason and ration, rational approaches to things. I don't know, I never really thought why I wanted to study law. But if...
I guess I'm just the kind of person who likes to do it all. It's fun to put on the writer's hat and go hide by myself with my computer for six months. Then it's fun to come out and put the director hat on and deal with all the things that a director ...
Tyler Durden: This is your pain. This is your burning hand. It's right here. Look at it. Narrator: I'm going to my cave. I'm going to my cave and I'm going to find my power animal. Tyler Durden: No! Don't deal with this the way those dead people do. ...
I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching on. I met a guy who said, 'Come out to Hollywood for 10 days, and I'll get you a deal.' So I figured, 'OK, 10 days.' On the 10th day, he got me a...
He shoved his hips against her, reminding her of what they had just done, and said, “I had never bedded a woman before you. I made that plain. Did you think I let you seduce me lightly? No, I did not. You made a deal with me the moment you gave me ...
You're always dealing with emotions as an actor.
I have a talent for dealing with difficult men.
We cannot deal with people like human beings, we cannot deal with them on the high level of true humanity, unless we really know their origin-who they are. God tells man who he is. God tells us that He created man in His image. So man is something wo...
My love for peanut butter is so deep that I can't look at a jar without devouring it!
