Growing up with Bronx Irish parents during an era of protests against the status quo, I was especially committed to doing the opposite of what I was told to do. Forty-four years later, I am left with only one means of making a living: comedy.
LinkedIn's got a little progress bar. It wants you to do things like sign up 10 of your friends. It does that near the end. At the beginning it's like, 'You put in your name. 20 percent progress! How about some other information?' People want to fill...
New video gaming systems are coming out that track every joint of your body. It's basically going to become a normal thing for us to allow Microsoft to put a three-dimensional camera on top of your television set looking at you, which sounds like a B...
Carlito: [voiceover] There is a line you cross, you don't never come back from. Point of no return. Dave crossed it. I'm here with him. That's means I am going along for the ride. The whole ride. All the way to the end of the line, wherever that is.
[boat trip night] Carlito: [voice over] Already I had a bad feeling about the boat trip night as soon as I saw Dave. He was all coked up so much that his nostrils were red and swollen. Bad start Jack.
Trautman: I came to get my boy. State Police Capt. Dave Kern: *Your BOY*? Trautman: I recruited him. I trained him. I commanded him for three years in Vietnam. I'd say that makes him mine.
Dave Kujan: Do you believe in him, Verbal? Verbal: Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.
When we run out of them upstairs, I've been known to appropriate some from our greenroom, pocketing a few with one hand as I smile and greet our guests with the other. One time, Dave Zinczenko of 'Eat this, Not That!' fame, busted me in the act. The ...
Dave - Deputy: Miss Brandon? Miss Brandon, we ran your Charles Behrman ID through to the computer, and this is what the Lincoln authorities faxed us over. You tell me. Brandon: Wow... This Teena chick's pretty messed up.
I follow politics in a big way, and always have since I was a kid. I've got opinions, but they're opinions on both sides - not just anti-Republican, which is a real popular thing for a rap artist to do. If you dis Republicans, nobody will get mad. I ...
Geddy Lee and I went to the same grade school. He moved away when we were still young, but I remember him like I do all my friends from back then. Then in 1982, Dave Thomas and I were approached to do a record as the McKenzie Brothers on Anthem Recor...
Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting; I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.
Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progres...
The TiVo is really an amazing machine. Like everyone who has one, I totally recommend it. Just as everyone who's married will tell you to get married, and everyone who has a baby tells you to have a baby, everyone who owns a TiVo will tell you to get...
People who have babies tell me I will know a love that is beyond anything I can imagine, and a joy that is indescribable. Love and joy? That sounds horrifying. I have no way of knowing whether I can handle either of those. I'm much better with need a...
Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he'll be forced to stick you. meet him where we buried the Korean whore. The one without the goatee." That was code. It meant "Come to my place as soon as you can, it's importan...
Finding the right healing path requires all or nothing. Once you place conditions on healing, all you can achieve is conditional healing.
I was trying to land an 18-year-old strapping first baseman from Blanco, Texas, population 200. His name was Willie Upshaw. It turned out there were only three scouts who knew about Willie - Dave Yocum and I working for the Yankees, and Al LaMacchia ...
When I was a kid, I hated being talked to as a kid. I don't know if all kids feel that way, but I seem to remember awful things in the crib, something like people doing baby talk in the crib and sticking their big, fat faces in there and scaring me. ...
My dad took me to all the best rock and punk shows when I was growing up and music has always been a part of my life. So I'm very interested in the music scene and I suppose that's why I've ended up going out with musicians. Dave Pirner is still one ...
'Blind Curve,' the book I'm working on now, sprang from a crazy incident that happened to me last year while on my book tour. I was pulled out of my car for a minor traffic violation - an incident that escalated into my being thrown into cuffs and to...
