Last night at Bingo, Sylvia won the last prize. 'What am I going to do with a mermaid?" "Learn to swim in the murkiest water, reinvent yourself," the mermaid said #149
You can always count on the promise of forever that He made when He died on that cross and rose again three days later. He did that for you.
Pleasing things: finding a large number of tales that one has not read before. Or acquiring the second volume of a tale whose first volume one has enjoyed. But often it is a disappointment.
(about organizing books in his home library, and putting a book in the "Arts and Lit non-fiction section) I personally find that for domestic purposes, the Trivial Pursuit system works better than Dewey.
I have done what people do, my life makes a reasonable showing. Can I go back to my books now?
My impulse now, as then, is to disagree. The majority of people in this country who haunt bookstores, go to readings and book festivals or simply read in the privacy of their homes are not traumatized exiles.
I once had a dream about a woman, and the next day she died. I stopped sleeping for three days after that to try to save some lives, but then my body relented and I went back to being a murderer.
Theo named his son Theology. But his son changed it to The O to honor his dad, Orafoura. Orafoura is my dad, he is my son, and we love to love people who are lovable.
The storm is coming whether you’re aware of it or not, and whether you’re prepared for it or not. Thank God you have a man like me in your life, a man with a variety of umbrellas for sale in an affordable range of prices.
Dreams have one-way doors—the door you enter cannot be exited from, and the door you exit from cannot be used for reentry. And I just want to sell tickets to an event people will pay to sleep through.
Don’t breathe on my voice, I yelled through my ears. But who’s there to listen, when you’re all alone and wearing earplugs. It’s true what they say, even if they say it silently—love is Helen Kelleresque.
I called Phil up, but I didn’t call Phillip. He hung up on me, and I’m still hung up about that. To make things right I might just call Phillip and hang up.
I use two toothbrushes. One is for my anus, though I can never remember which one. Both toothbrushes belong to my mother-in-law, so I’m incentivized to be forgetful.
My friend fell in a pool, so I brought him to the hospital in a bucket. Half of him splashed out when I peed in it. I tried to save him, but I’m no Ryan Lochte.
I don’t just love you, I love you a 9.7. I would love you a 10, but who do you think you are, Greg Louganis?
If we were both standing beside Niagara Falls, the only thing you’d be able to hear is the sound of me urinating in a pitcher of lemonade. Gorgeous scenery is great and all, but I’ve got a roadside vending business to run.
I’d hang a walrus on my wall, and I’d name him Russ. But I’m not a hunter—I’m a lover and a fisherman. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes, if you want to take off your pants and wash up.
I want to meet and marry a girl with the same last name as me, so I can show how modern and feminist I am by taking on her last name after marriage.
We made love like water makes life, and thinking about it makes me so horny I’m thirsty. My cup runneth over, but if I want to play, I have to protect myself with a jockstrap.
I’ll keep you in my heart forever, just so long as you don’t clog up my arteries. Just so you know, my love is like extra gravy all the time.
The bus had one too many people on it (the driver), so all of them had to die. The only thing that saved all those passengers was my love—and the fact that I know how to drive with a blindfold on.
