Quotes of: Comic-book Keyword

Black clothing makes me look skinnier. If I wear all black at night, and turn out the lights, I look so skinny that I disappear.

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Sometimes I feel I’m just doing a poor impression of a person. Maybe I feel this way because I have no money.

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The headline read, Man Saves Child From Burning House, and I just have to ask: Why did that kid want to burn down the house?

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I can’t fly with one wing. But I can’t go hungry either, and I already ate both the legs, the breasts, and the other wing.

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I like to get to-go boxes at restaurants where not only did I not eat in, but apparently their patrons didn’t either, judging by how much food they left on their plates.

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The only time I can throw 80 yards is when my football-shaped alarm clock goes off in the morning.

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We had some good fun together, didn’t we? That’s why I’m sorry to say I’m going to have to kill you.

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I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because she hadn’t arrived yet.

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I talk about talking like I listen to listening—in a room with mirrored walls that makes me appreciate the infinity that is God.

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Uncle Sam’s not related to me. He’s stuck his dick in the American Pie too many times to be welcome at my family picnics.

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I don’t have a blue-collar job. It’s more of a green collar, because of all the yellow sweat stains mixing in.

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I was honored at the awards ceremony. I didn’t get any recognition, but I was honored to be there. (Tickets were cheaper than I imagined!) 

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I picked up a new language a few months ago. It was just laying on the ground, dirty, so I scooped it up and popped it in my mouth.

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I keep my love in the trunk. And I drive slowly over speed bumps, so she doesn’t bump her head around.

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His last name was Morris, but I called him Mars, because it’s like he was from another planet, like Venus. He was a cross dresser.

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Alzheimer’s is the cleverest thief, because she not only steals from you, but she steals the very thing you need to remember what’s been stolen.

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Price per man has shot up, because so many men were shot up that we need many more men.

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If love played an instrument, I’ll bet it would be the piano. 88 keys, double infinity, and the ability to chop down trees with a sharpened mustache.  

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I notice your absence. I notice your non presence and reflect on the time you were present, in the present, which is obviously in the past.

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I broke down when we broke up, but I didn’t break in to her house just to break out of my routine.

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I make love like I sell sausages to strange women. One at a time, and always covered with a condom (to keep the flies away).

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