I’ll give you a glass of wine, if you give me a few drops of water from your eyes. I’m thirsty for your sadness.
The best way to sell a car is to first try to sell them an airplane, then a horse, and then finally bring up the newest model automobile you have for sale.
While I've never read Scientific American, I'll bet it is pretty scientific. And American. Just like those prehistoric cave drawings in the south of France.
We have no secrets from each other, though sometimes I wish some things were more hidden. What’s more transparent than invisible?
I am going to think of you every time I don't have sex. So that'll mean I'll always be thinking of you.
In LaLa Land, there is only one kind of sex that's logical. In a made-up land, such as LaLa Land, the citizens are forever engaging in make-up sex.
I always get whiplash when I have sex in the backseat. Boy, I sure wish Grandmother would learn how to drive.
If I were a hermaphrodite, and someone told me to go fuck myself, I'd reply, "Why thank you. I think I will!
Having sex on a motorcycle wouldn’t only be exciting, it’d be dangerous. What if while we were parked we got broadsided by a speeding bicycle?
A vibrating toothbrush is one hygienic marvel of a sex toy. The next time I want to make love, I’ll make a dentist appointment.
I've never had a one-night stand with anybody over the course of a whole weekend. I've also never had a one-night stand while standing the whole time.
I make love sensually, and without the aid of a fancy recipe. I just open the box, add water, stir a bit, and pop it in the oven.
I’m getting gray hair in all sorts of crazy places. Like all over my carpet. It’s like I live in a nursing home, except without all the sex.
I’m great at making love, at least for the first 20 bucks, and for about 30 minutes after that I just sort of lay there, trying to stretch out my investment.
When asked about sex, she said she had a headache. I said I have a pill for that. It’s called a Viagra, & I’d be willing to take it for her.
Last night my girl and I were knocking boots, but it won’t happen tonight, because earlier today I went out and bought a doorbell.
Too much nudity is a turn off. Especially if all that flesh is on one person.
John Wilkinson invented the horizontal boring machine, and what a boring machine it was! In fact, it’s so boring that I think I’ll go to sleep now.
We need more upright citizens in this country. Everybody is just lying down as if asleep to the issues. And those who are up and moving are merely sleepwalking.
What I thought was a black hole turned out to be nothing more than a splatter of ink on my tie. And I assumed I was wearing the most astrological outfit of the century.
I wish I could bottle up my penis and sell it at a garage sale. But first I need to get a garage.
