Quotes of: Comic-book Keyword

I’m as deadly as a marine, when compared to marine plant life. It took lots of water, sunlight, and standing still to get this badass.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

He wouldn’t even understand dry wit if you dropped him off in the desert with a canteen full of sand and a Sandberg poem.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Women love to talk. I'll bet Van Gogh had a woman. And I'll bet she talked his ear off.

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I don’t care about being cool. I just want to be loved by half the world (100% of the female population).

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Certain words roll off the tongue like frozen balls of saliva. Words like sure, positive, and definite—you know, words that are certain.

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In hospitality, people vacation where you live. And so when I stay home from work it’s like a double vacation.

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You make me sick. I think I’ll have to call out of work on your account. Or have that account closed.

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I want to write an unreliable narrator. In fact, he’ll be so unreliable that I’m not even sure he’ll show up to narrate.

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I don't sit on material like a sofa. I also don't sit on material like a sofa. I’m a stand on the couch kind of writer.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The country with the most writers is ironically probably the country with the least readers—USA. And once my parents die, my entire reading base will disappear.

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She had a perfect smile. She doesn’t anymore, but I do. I have that perfect smile mounted on my wall like a pair of antlers.

This Book Has No Title

I talked to him on Christmas, and again on March 5th. Neither one of us hung up the phone that whole time.

This Book Has No Title

Be the cheeseburger you’ve always dreamed you could be. That’s the advice I’d give to any hamburger running for political office.

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The best way to hide a body is to convert it to saltwater and then dump it in the ocean. But whatever you do, do not drink it!

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My rule of thumb for hitchhiking is: stick it up straight and proud and make if visible to all drivers.

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-I’m 60-years-old.  -Ma’am, I don’t believe it.  -You’re too kind.  -It’s true. You look at least 75.

This Book Has No Title

I added five shots to my coffee, because that’s all the bullets my magazine can hold.

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Due to state laws, the restaurant was nonsmoking, which as a nonsmoker pleases me, but as a Libertarian it pisses me off. 

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I’ve got a flesh-colored tattoo. I drew it myself. You should see it sometime, if only you could see it (it’s invisible).

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Baby toys were left at my door. Either someone’s trying to get my attention, or I have the attention span of an infant.

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I saw her standing across the room, and I thought, “Wow! Who is that sexy woman she’s standing next to?

This Book Has No Title