Quotes of: Comic-book Keyword

In the land of Gibberish, the man who makes sense, the man who speaks clearly, clearly speaks nonsense.

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I hate the phrase “Shit or get off the pot,” because I rarely cook with feces.

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If Warren Buffet made chocolate, I’ll bet it’d be really rich. And corrupt.

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I wear a helmet when I write, because if you’re doing it right, writing is dangerous.

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Speed dating is great, because when that bell rings, I drool like Pavlov’s dog.

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More Americans died in WWII than in any other world war, with the possible exception of WWI.

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-Is he dead?  -Gosh I hope so, because I went to a lot of trouble to dig his grave.

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Designing an airplane and modeling it after an ostrich is a stretch, but I’ve always been flexible.

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In the middle I want to be at the end, at the end I want to be in the beginning, and in the beginning I want to be in bed.

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To treat everyone equally is offensive, because it fails to recognize anyone as an individual.

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You can’t help who your parents are or aren’t. My parents aren’t—they don’t exist and have never existed.

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If I had a street named after me, it would really put me on the map.

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There are an infinite number of reasons to say no. Instead, try to focus on one good reason to say yes.

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I brush my teeth with a leg of fried chicken, and gravy is my toothpaste.

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I had to close the door on our friendship, because he kept climbing in through my window.

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I’ll name my town “Unwelcome,” and the sign will say, “Welcome to Unwelcome.

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I want a one-bedroom house with cup holders. I want to live in my car, and make the road my home.

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For me, it’s not about winning an award. It’s also about not even being nominated.

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Before I make you boss, I want to tattoo “Assistant” around your asshole.

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I’m in danger of losing my job as official scribe to my inner voice.

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The cool thing about unemployment is every day is Saturday.

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